Twenty-five years after the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, David Ferrugio, whose father was killed in the World Trade Center, is sharing lessons learned from his grief. Ferrugio, author of "You're Not Dead Yet" and host of the podcast "DEAD Talks," lost his father, David Frances Ferrugio, at age 12.
Ferrugio described the day of the attacks as a dividing moment, transforming his reality overnight. Initially internalizing his emotions, he later discovered the power of sharing experiences with loss. His podcast features guests discussing their experiences with death and grief.
"Eventually, I got comfortable expressing myself and learning the importance of just sharing [my] story and telling people how I feel and opening up," Ferrugio stated.
He outlines several strategies that have helped him navigate his grief.
Embracing the Uncomfortable
Ferrugio emphasizes that discussing grief, even decades after a traumatic event, is crucial. He believes that sharing stories can provide emotional release and help others feel less isolated. "Even when I have my days of just not feeling it, I'm reminded by the people who reach out and the way they share their story... how much it is impacting so many people," he said.
He noted that a fear of judgment often prevents people from sharing, though doing so can bring a sense of liberation. Finding community can be particularly meaningful amid widespread loneliness.
Adopting a New Perspective
Ferrugio shared that he has worked to improve his mental health by shifting his perspective on life and death. He views them as two sides of the same coin, separated by a thin veil. This outlook, shaped by understanding the experiences and coping mechanisms of others, has altered how he lives his life.
"It's important to zoom out and realize, ‘I've done this for 25 years, and I'm still here,’" Ferrugio said. He encourages others to be present, embrace their emotions, and offer themselves grace during difficult times, framing these conversations about grief as ultimately being about how to live life.
The Power of Breathing
When experiencing painful emotions, Ferrugio's primary technique is to allow himself to feel them and to "breathe it out." He finds breathwork beneficial and also mentions exercise and spending time in nature as methods to calm his nervous system.
"We forget to look inward, and we all have that intuition and that guttural feeling – we have to trust what we're saying to ourselves," he advised. "What feels good? Does this feel like it's working?"
Finding Light Amid Darkness
Ferrugio advocates for allowing moments of joy, even during periods of grief. "Give yourself permission to feel moments of levity, to feel moments of joy, even if it is for five seconds… just take those moments and cherish them, because the contrast of the joy and pain exists for a reason," he explained.
He acknowledged that the pain of his loss persists but expressed hope that others affected by 9/11 can see their own resilience. "For anyone else who's been part of that day, I just hope they look back at the days they've gone through and see that they're still here," Ferrugio said. "You're still with us, and you're still grinding, you're showing up for the people in your life."