A woman has written to Australian Daily Mail columnist Jana Hocking with concerns about her husband's penis size, stating that it is negatively impacting their sex life and leading to feelings of resentment. The woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, described her husband as a loving and attentive partner, but admitted that his size is an issue for her, despite her efforts to convince herself otherwise over the past year.
She detailed how she often overcompensates during intimacy, complimenting her husband and suggesting different positions under the guise of adventurousness when she is actually trying to find a way to make sex more fulfilling for her. She also mentioned discovering information about penis pumps and wondering if they could be a solution, but expressed anxiety about how to broach the subject with her husband.
"How do you talk to a man about something like that?" she asked. "And if the answer is that you don't, then what am I supposed to do with these feelings? Because I can already feel resentment creeping in and I don't want to wake up in five years blaming a good man for something he can't control."
Hocking advised against directly telling a partner that his penis is too small, describing such words as "inside thoughts" that should not be vocalized, as they could cause lasting insecurity. Instead, she suggested that the woman become a "better director" in the bedroom by verbally guiding her husband during intimacy and being more explicit about her desires. She also recommended shifting the focus away from penetration as the sole objective and enhancing foreplay.
"Most women don't orgasm from penetration alone anyway, which means you've been putting all your eggs in the wrong basket," Hocking wrote. She noted that statistically, lesbians report more orgasms than heterosexual women, highlighting that a penis is not always necessary for female sexual satisfaction.
Regarding penis pumps, Hocking stated that while they might help some men achieve a firmer erection, they do not increase penis size and are not a "miracle fix." She urged the woman to explore all other avenues before considering ending a relationship with a partner she clearly loves.
In a separate letter, another woman shared her experience of her sex drive dramatically increasing after her doctor prescribed testosterone as part of her perimenopause treatment at age 46. She described feeling a near-constant desire for sex, which her husband, who had become accustomed to a low libido from her, struggles to match. The couple averages intercourse about once a week, leaving the woman feeling unfulfilled.
Hocking expressed support for the increasing availability of testosterone treatment for women, countering the long-held societal expectation that women over 40 should accept a declining sex drive. She acknowledged that the husband may be experiencing "emotional whiplash" after years of rejection but advised a gradual approach to rekindling intimacy.
"You need to start things off again a little slower," Hocking advised. "Bring back flirting. Send him a text in the middle of the day that makes him blush. Walk past him and give his bum a squeeze. Kiss him without expecting it to end anywhere."
She also suggested that sex doesn't always need to follow a conventional script, and that partners can adapt to different energy levels, with one being a "generous participant" even if their own desire is not as high. Hocking encouraged the couple to "go slow" and allow time for the husband to adjust to his wife's revitalized libido.