Mel Robbins, a bestselling author and podcast host, shared a piece of advice she received as a waitress: to focus on the women at the table when seeking a good tip, suggesting they often influence the gratuity decision. This perspective has prompted discussion among hospitality and etiquette professionals.
Robbins recalled a mentor from her time as a waitress at the Red Rooster Tavern in Michigan who advised her to pay attention to the women, stating, "She told me when I started waitressing the secret to getting a good tip: Understanding who has influence over who gives you the good tip." Robbins learned to "ignore the men and to completely take fabulous care of the women."
While acknowledging a potential influence, hospitality and etiquette experts caution against such a singular approach. Robert Mahon, managing partner of Mahon Hospitality Group, stated, "In my experience, when a man is paying, the woman will often have the final judgment on the service and may suggest the tip." However, he added that focusing solely on one group and ignoring others constitutes "bad hospitality." Mahon advises that skilled servers read the entire table, making everyone feel well-attended to, as people generally respond positively to friendliness and engagement.
Lisa Burdette, founder of the Dallas School of Etiquette, agreed that women can influence a man's tipping decision. However, she stressed that "a good server should always concentrate on all customers, never slighting anyone." Etiquette dictates that the person settling the bill ultimately determines the gratuity, and it should not be a point of contention at the table.
Research also suggests that interpersonal interactions can impact gratuities. A 2010 study by communication researchers John S. Seiter and Harry Weger Jr. found that servers received significantly higher tips when they complimented diners. This indicates that small gestures and positive interactions can potentially influence a customer's tipping behavior.
Despite the evolving landscape of tipping, with increasing digital prompts at checkout, experts maintain that focusing on genuine, attentive service for all patrons remains key to good hospitality and potentially larger tips.