A reader, identified only as "Airplane Agony," has sought guidance from agony aunt Jane Green regarding their girlfriend's behavior during a recent six-hour flight. The reader described the experience as a "true test for a new relationship" and detailed several actions by his girlfriend that he found "horrifying," "disgusting," and "disrespectful."
According to the reader, upon boarding the flight, his girlfriend removed her shoes and socks, used a blanket that he presumed was unwashed, and played videos on her phone at full volume. The situation reportedly escalated when she placed her bare feet on the armrest of the person seated in front of her. The reader also noted his girlfriend's complaint about a crying baby, finding it hypocritical given her own disruptive conduct.
Despite the discomfort, the reader remained silent during the flight to avoid ruining the vacation. However, upon returning home, he feels compelled to address her behavior, fearing he may appear controlling or that the issue might necessitate a breakup. "I just don't know how to talk to her about this, and worry that I'll sound like I'm trying to control or change her," he wrote.
Jane Green, responding to the reader's predicament, acknowledged that such inconsiderate behavior is increasingly common. She advised that while people often remain silent to avoid conflict or public backlash, direct communication is necessary in a relationship. Green suggested telling the girlfriend how her actions were "intrusive, disrespectful, impolite and selfish." She cautioned that the conversation might lead to defensiveness, an argument, or even the end of the relationship.
Green emphasized that how the girlfriend reacts to this feedback could serve as a crucial indicator of the relationship's viability. "If the opposite is true, then it would seem that she is not the woman for you," she stated. She added that honesty, regardless of the outcome, might prompt the girlfriend to reconsider her public behavior in the future, and she might even be grateful for the feedback. If she remains unaware or unrepentant, Green suggested this indicates a fundamental incompatibility.