Rabbi Jonathan Romain has advised Prince William against attempting to reconcile with his brother, Prince Harry, suggesting that some familial rifts are too deep to heal.
Romain, drawing from personal experience and religious teachings, argues that while the ideal of family reconciliation is compelling, the reality can be far more complex. He notes that the biblical account of Cain and Abel exemplifies familial conflict, not harmony.
Romain's perspective is shaped by an eight-year estrangement from his own brother, a rift that began during adulthood over differing views on caring for their aging parents. This personal history leads him to believe that forcing a reconciliation can be detrimental.
"Every fibre in my body screams out, go for a reconciliation, see if it is possible. Isn't that what family means?" Romain writes, before contrasting this ideal with his own experience. He states that his brother limited his mother's access to Romain's children and did not inform him of his mother's death or funeral.
He acknowledges the common advice to simply "pick up the phone and make up," but points out the significant obstacles: pride, embarrassment, and the fear of rejection or the effort required to let go of past hurts. Romain suggests that sometimes, the most honest approach is to accept that a relationship has reached a point of no return.
While acknowledging that therapists might advocate for reconciliation, Romain finds the lack of guarantees concerning. He states, "Giving up on one's brother may be a painful situation, but at least it has been accepted, put in a box and stored away. It will be even more painful to reopen it."
Romain, who has ministered to many warring families, typically encourages generosity. However, he concludes that some betrayals, like Prince Harry allegedly divulging private family matters for financial gain and his own brother burying their mother without notification, are too profound.
"This may not be as high a moral or religious a response to which I could aspire, but it is real. I regret it but won't change it," Romain states. He hopes Prince William can find a better path but recognizes that the decision depends heavily on the depth of the hurt and the anticipated response.