Psychologists Offer Strategies for Managing Crying in Public

Crying can occur at inopportune times, such as during professional or personal encounters when one would prefer to maintain composure. Psychologists suggest that it is possible to interrupt or lessen the intensity of tears without pretending to be unaffected.

"Adaptive suppression" is a term used by therapists to describe the intentional, short-term, and situational pausing of tears. This process can be understood as a release valve for the nervous system, allowing the body to reset. Research suggests that crying can occur during heightened arousal and then contribute to a return to a calmer state.

To manage tears in inconvenient situations, experts recommend acting at the earliest signs, such as a stinging sensation in the eyes or changes in breathing. If overwhelmed, slowing breathing can be effective, particularly through extended exhales. Practicing slow breathing techniques regularly can build the capacity to access them more readily when needed.

Another strategy involves redirecting attention from the fear of crying to neutral sensory details. This can help interrupt a panic cycle where the distress of crying exacerbates the situation. Grounding oneself by noticing physical sensations, such as the pressure of a chair or the texture of fabric, can help maintain a connection to the body. Briefly excusing oneself to a restroom, splashing water on the face, and moving around can also provide a physical and mental break, allowing the nervous system to de-escalate.

In situations where holding back tears proves difficult, acknowledging the moment can be more effective than attempting to conceal it. A brief statement like "give me a minute" can help regain a sense of control and inform others to pause. It is advised to avoid apologizing for crying, as it is a natural human response. Instead of "I'm sorry," a phrase like "Thank you for bearing with me" can shift the focus from shame to gratitude.

While delaying tears is possible, it is important to eventually address the underlying emotions. Postponing tears is not the same as refusing to acknowledge what caused them. Keeping a promise to return to the feeling later, whether through personal reflection, talking with friends, or therapy, allows the emotion a space to be processed. Crying is not always cathartic, and there is no universally correct amount of crying; what matters is finding healthy ways to express emotions.