Psychologist Offers Script to Counter Gaslighting Tactics

A licensed psychologist has developed a short, direct response intended to help individuals navigate and counter gaslighting, a form of emotional manipulation that causes a person to question their own memory and judgment. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, founder and CEO of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching, suggests that instead of getting drawn into defending one's own account of events, the focus should shift to addressing the manipulative behavior itself.

The tactic of gaslighting often involves one person insisting a different version of events occurred, even when the other person remembers clearly what was said or done. This can lead to a disorienting experience where the target begins to doubt their own perceptions. The manipulator may aim to provoke an emotional reaction, feeding on the target's attempts to justify themselves or gain validation.

Dr. Bobby's recommended 12-word phrase is: 'You may have a different perspective, but please do not invalidate mine.' This response acknowledges that differing viewpoints exist without allowing one person to dismiss the other's reality. It redirects the conversation from proving facts to establishing how one expects to be treated.

For situations requiring a more robust boundary, Dr. Bobby offers a longer script. This version explicitly names the behavior and outlines consequences for its continuation: 'I understand that you're trying to make me question my own judgment. I know what happened. You may have a different perspective, but please do not invalidate mine. If there's no room for my point of view in this conversation, then this isn't a conversation I'm willing to keep having.'

This extended response begins by identifying the manipulation, affirms the speaker's confidence in their recollection, and then uses the core phrase. The final sentence provides an exit strategy, indicating an unwillingness to continue a conversation that does not allow space for the speaker's perspective. The objective, according to this approach, is to protect personal boundaries and mental well-being rather than to change the manipulator's mind.