Navigating conversations around grief and bereavement can be challenging, with many people hesitant to reach out for fear of saying the wrong thing. However, Dr. Lesel Dawson, an associate professor in Literature and Culture at the University of Bristol and co-director of the Good Grief Festival, argues that avoiding the topic is the most detrimental approach.
"The most important thing when helping someone dealing with grief isn't what you say, but that you don't turn away," Dawson stated. She emphasized that a simple acknowledgment, such as "I'm so sorry and I'm here," can be deeply meaningful. She also stressed the importance of allowing the grieving person to lead the conversation, respecting their pace, language, and their need to talk about the deceased.
Dawson's insights are informed by personal experience. The stillbirth of her younger sister when she was eight years old, and her mother's subsequent self-blame, profoundly shaped her understanding of grief. Later, after her own son experienced complications from a premature birth, she revisited the difficult topic with her mother. This led her to realize her mother had internalized blame for the stillbirth and to encourage her to show herself the same compassion she herself lacked.
"The biggest myth about grief is that it happens in neat, orderly stages and that you eventually get over it," Dawson explained. "In reality, grief is messy, unpredictable and deeply individual. People move back and forth between feelings, and the idea of a tidy, linear process simply doesn't reflect how grief actually works."
Research commissioned by Marie Curie indicates a gap between comfort levels discussing death and actual conversations held. While 70% of people feel comfortable discussing death, significantly fewer have engaged in such conversations with family, friends, or healthcare professionals.
Dawson co-directs Good Grief, a festival held in Weston-super-Mare that aims to foster open and normalized discussions around death, dying, and bereavement. The festival features workshops, music events, talks, and light installations. Dawson noted that grief encompasses a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, numbness, jealousy, and rage, and that these feelings are not sequential. She reiterated that grieving is a unique and individual process with its own timeline.
