Platonic co-parenting, a family arrangement where individuals who are not married or romantically involved decide to raise children together, is experiencing a notable increase in popularity. Aspiring parents are increasingly seeking out dedicated online platforms to connect with others interested in this unconventional lifestyle.
Modamily, a prominent platform facilitating platonic co-parenting connections, reported a significant surge in users this year, adding approximately 50,000 new members between January and August, bringing its total user base to around 150,000. This represents a substantial growth from the approximately 30,000 users Modamily had in 2020. According to Modamily founder Ivan Fatovic, the platform continues to attract about 2,000 new members monthly. Fatovic noted that the concept, once considered unusual, is becoming more mainstream.
CoParents.com, another platform in this space, has also seen its membership grow, with a 25% increase in users since January, reaching approximately 160,000 members globally.
These co-parenting arrangements can take various forms. Some involve friends who wish to have children without the complexities of a romantic relationship, while others are motivated by a desire to shield children from the potential trauma of parental divorce, drawing from negative experiences with their own upbringing. Other individuals pursue platonic co-parenting due to career demands that limit time for traditional dating, financial considerations that make single parenthood challenging, or the biological clock. A common thread among these arrangements is the absence of romantic or sexual involvement between the co-parents, who function as a unified family unit for the purpose of raising their children.
"People still want a partner to have children with, and they want a partner that helps with the costs and the time, so they can also have time for their individual pursuits — but also raise a child in a positive, loving environment," Fatovic stated.
Historically, such arrangements were often formed through personal connections, word-of-mouth, or even classified advertisements. However, the internet and social media have streamlined the process, making it more accessible and common.
Zachary Sahuque, 35, and Amanda Lohse, 47, are an example of a couple who found each other through Modamily in 2019. They currently co-parent two children, conceived via IVF using her eggs and his sperm, with a third child on the way. They live in separate homes on a 50-acre property in Texas. Sahuque described Lohse as a close friend and family member, emphasizing the platonic nature of their relationship.
Sahuque and Lohse engaged in a rigorous vetting process before establishing their arrangement, which Sahuque likened to inverting the typical first date of a romantic relationship. Instead of presenting an idealized version of themselves, they openly discussed their biggest deal-breakers and potential challenges. Their agreement allows Sahuque to travel for work while Lohse primarily cares for the children, with Sahuque taking over when he is home.
Sahuque believes that platonic co-parenting arrangements have always existed but are now more visible due to online platforms. He highlighted the intentionality behind these arrangements as a novel aspect, distinguishing them from the common occurrence of divorces or unplanned pregnancies.