Parenting Experts Warn Against Constantly Rescuing Children From Disappointment

Children's ability to cope with life's inevitable challenges, including disappointment and exclusion, develops when parents refrain from intervening in every uncomfortable situation, according to clinical neuropsychologist Dr. Katie Davis. She argues that a common parenting instinct to shield children from pain can inadvertently undermine their development of resilience and self-efficacy.

Davis explains that modern parenting often involves pathologizing normal childhood struggles. Sadness may be labeled as depression, meanness as bullying, and frustration as emotional dysregulation, leading to interventions for experiences that could otherwise foster growth. "We need to remember that there is a clear difference between supporting our children through disappointment and making sure they never experience it," Davis writes. She emphasizes that mental health is built on the ability to handle negative emotions, not their absence.

When parents consistently solve their children's problems, they send a message that the child is incapable of handling challenges independently. This can lead to a reliance on external help rather than developing personal resourcefulness. Davis likens this to teaching swimming by keeping a child out of the water, asserting that "Children never develop the ability to recover from disappointment if they don’t have the opportunity to feel it."

This pattern of overprotection has three unintended consequences, according to Davis: it undermines self-efficacy, reinforces avoidance of unpleasant emotions, and creates unrealistic expectations that the world should accommodate individual preferences. Instead of removing challenges, parents can help children develop coping skills by validating their feelings without catastrophizing them, resisting the urge to solve the problem immediately, and guiding children to find their own solutions.

Davis suggests that parents can ask children what they might do next or try differently, but notes that sometimes the most effective intervention is no intervention at all. Children may simply need time to process negative feelings and move on. She advocates for raising children who can get back up after falling, rather than those who never fall.

Davis is the author of the book "Actually, You’re Fine," published on October 13, 2026. She provides psychotherapy and cognitive remediation to children with learning and related developmental disorders.