Olivia Bowen, a former contestant on the reality show 'Love Island,' has revealed the profound emotional and physical challenges she has faced, detailed in her new autobiography, 'Lost Until Love.' Bowen described the heartbreaking experience of Vanishing Twin Syndrome, a complication where one twin dies during pregnancy and is reabsorbed by the mother's body. She recalled the difficult contradiction of pregnancy scans, which brought joy in seeing one developing baby while simultaneously grieving the loss of the other twin, who was visible until around 16 weeks of gestation.
Initially, Bowen's joy at discovering she was pregnant with twins was overshadowed by the discovery at an eight-week scan that the second baby had no heartbeat. While the surviving twin, Siena, was born in August, Bowen and her husband Alex, whom she met on 'Love Island' in 2016, continued to grieve the lost sibling. Bowen shared that a reframing technique, considering the lost twin as being absorbed back into her, helped her cope. She chose not to name the lost twin to ease the grieving process, though she believes it was a girl. A plaque in their daughter Siena's bedroom, reading 'Every sunset, I'm with you,' serves as a memorial, a concept linked to the term 'sunset baby' often used by parents experiencing Vanishing Twin Syndrome.
Bowen's autobiography also delves into other significant health and mental health challenges. She recounted a near-death experience during the childbirth of their daughter Siena, where she hemorrhaged after delivery and required two emergency transfusions, losing 60% of her blood. She described the vivid memory of holding Siena while losing consciousness and the fear of dying and leaving her children.
Beyond these traumatic events, Bowen discloses her history of depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and self-harm. She explains that her struggles began in her teens, exacerbated by her parents' divorce when she was ten. Presenting a facade of being a popular, happy girl at school, she would privately cry in bathroom stalls. A relationship in her late teens, marked by infidelity, further eroded her confidence, leading to self-harm as a coping mechanism, often in visible places as a cry for help.
Bowen admits that her disordered eating was also linked to anxiety, causing her to fear judgment about her food portions and avoid eating in public. Despite these internal struggles, she applied for 'Love Island' at a low point in her life, seeing it as an escape from an unhappy sales job and a feeling of being unlovable. She kept her mental health issues hidden from producers.
Reflecting on her time on the show, Bowen believes 'Love Island' was ultimately the making of her, referring to it as 'exposure therapy.' The intense public scrutiny, she says, forced her to confront many insecurities, including her fear of communal eating. Meeting her husband Alex on the show was also a pivotal moment, helping her feel loved and accepted for who she was.
However, 'Love Island' did not resolve all her issues. She confesses to self-harming shortly after leaving the show and even after becoming a mother, particularly during periods of stress and when she and Alex were struggling to connect following their son's birth. Her husband's distress upon seeing her self-harm was a catalyst for her to seek therapy and commit to stopping the behavior.
Bowen emphasizes the importance of talking about shame and seeking help, stating that therapy has improved her ability to manage anxiety. She also reflects on her past by choosing not to dwell on the more intimate moments of 'Love Island' that were broadcast, referring to that younger version of herself as '22-year-old Liv.' While her parents were initially concerned about the show's content, they have been supportive, and she believes in letting her children make their own choices, with open communication.
Bowen and her husband Alex have since purchased a 'Love Island' villa in Spain. She concludes that she does not have regrets, believing in the interconnectedness of life events and the importance of appreciating the good that follows hardship. The plaque in Siena's room, she suggests, symbolizes this perspective: experiencing the bad is sometimes necessary to appreciate the good.