In New York City's dating scene, a shift is occurring as women increasingly express a desire for partners who are openly affectionate and emotionally invested, a departure from the long-held ideal of the “cool guy.” This emerging preference, termed “chalant” dating, emphasizes enthusiasm and vulnerability over aloofness.
The term “chalant,” presented as the opposite of nonchalant, describes men who are not afraid to show their interest and affection. This can manifest as cheering loudly at a partner’s events or openly expressing admiration, embodying traits that contrast sharply with the “playing it cool” mentality.
Jason Henley, 34, identifies as a “chalant” man and shared his perspective on the evolution of dating. After nearly four years in a relationship, he has moved away from the pressure to appear detached, embracing public displays of affection and pride in his partner. "It feels good to be proud of the person I’m with and to let the world know it from the top of the mountain that my heart is hers to have," Henley told The Post.
His girlfriend, Hannah Alderman, 32, echoed this sentiment, stating that past experiences with nonchalant partners left her wanting more overt affection. She contrasts this with the romantic ideals often portrayed in media, noting that many women eventually settle for less than they initially desired. For Alderman, a “chalant” partner is one who “shows up no matter what. He loves me out loud and isn’t afraid to be perceived as corny.” This openness, she believes, fosters security and trust within the relationship.
Relationship experts suggest that the rise of “chalant” dating is a reaction to years of defensive dating practices. Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist, notes that people are fatigued by the prevailing culture of withholding affection. "Without taking a risk, showing your interest or care, it’s impossible to truly make a connection," she explained. In an era of readily available dating apps, playing hard to get may inadvertently lead to being overlooked.
Romanoff also highlighted the psychological benefit of emotional safety and clarity in a relationship. While the uncertainty of a “romantic rollercoaster” may seem exciting initially, it can become tiresome. However, she cautioned against excessive enthusiasm, which can verge on love-bombing. The key, she advises, is to show interest without compromising one’s own life and to gauge the partner’s reciprocal response.
For others, like Jae Marie, 31, the appeal of “chalant” dating lies in intentionality and attentiveness to small details. She noted that a man’s ability to recall sports statistics should translate to remembering personal preferences, such as a coffee order or dislikes. This focus on remembering and acknowledging personal details signifies a deeper level of care than simply being present.
Alexis R. Posey, 40, shared an experience where a potential partner’s proactive safety measure—sending a photo of his ID before meeting—demonstrated a thoughtful, “chalant” approach, prioritizing her well-being without grand gestures.
Ilana Schachter, 25, previously navigated dating cultures where emotional detachment was perceived as a power move, leaving her uncertain about her standing in relationships. She now values consistency over perceived coolness, influenced partly by public displays of affection from celebrity couples that have helped normalize open emotional expression. "For a long time, dating culture often suggested that whoever cared less had more power," Schachter observed. "Now, I think more people are realizing that genuine confidence comes from being emotionally available and intentional, not from pretending you don’t care.”