Columnist Jana Hocking addresses a common relationship challenge: mismatched sexual timing. In her advice column, Hocking responds to a reader who describes a significant difference in sexual desire between herself and her husband. The reader states that her libido peaks after drinks and dinner, while her husband experiences difficulty with erections after consuming alcohol. Conversely, he prefers morning intimacy when he is naturally aroused, but she finds this unappealing.
Hocking acknowledges the reader's dilemma, labeling the issue as "whisky dick" or "brewer's droop." While she personally enjoys morning sex, she recognizes it doesn't solve the core problem of differing sexual clocks. She suggests a compromise that involves moving away from extreme times like midnight or sunrise for intimacy. Instead, she proposes having sex before going out for dinner when both partners might be more receptive.
"The obvious compromise is to stop waiting until either midnight or sunrise," Hocking writes. She offers examples like a quick encounter in a walk-in wardrobe or against the kitchen counter before an evening out. For those who need a little help getting into the mood, she advises a single drink while getting ready, rather than waiting until several drinks in, which can impair performance.
Hocking also suggests meeting halfway on morning intimacy. She recommends the reader get up, prepare herself, and then engage in intimacy, making morning sex potentially more appealing. She also touches on the psychological aspect, noting that if alcohol is the only catalyst for desire, timing might be only part of the issue. She advises exploring ways to build confidence for sober intimacy, such as dimming lights or wearing lingerie that makes one feel attractive.
The overarching advice is that neither partner should feel obligated to have sex when they do not want to. The key, according to Hocking, is to find a middle ground that doesn't treat one person's preferred time as the only available option. If one partner is an "early riser" in terms of libido and the other prefers "cocktail hour," meeting during a "happy hour" can be a solution.
In addition to the sexual timing issue, Hocking also addresses two other reader dilemmas. One involves a woman who has been asked by her best friend to provide an alibi for an affair. Hocking advises the reader to cease lying for her friend and to make it clear that her name should no longer be used for such purposes, stating that the friend has mistaken loyalty for providing an alibi.
The third dilemma concerns a mother who discovered her daughter's boyfriend of two years on a dating app. The boyfriend claimed he had forgotten to delete his profile. Hocking urges the mother to show her daughter the screenshots and let her make her own decision about the relationship, emphasizing that the daughter deserves to know the truth with her eyes open.