A mother of three in Surrey, England, has detailed a decade-long secret cocaine addiction that began when she was 39, profoundly impacting her marriage, finances, and parenting. The woman, whose name has been changed to Serena Whales for privacy, described hiding her drug use while her children slept and her husband was away for work. "On paper, my life was perfect," she stated, recalling her comfortable life in a four-bedroom house. "Yet here I was, hiding bags of cocaine in the airing cupboard."
Whales, who previously earned £100,000 a year in marketing before becoming a stay-at-home mother, said her addiction began after experiencing struggles with her identity and postnatal depression following the birth of her second child. She first tried cocaine at university, but her social circle's use of the drug at dinner parties normalized it for her. The turning point came on a Friday night when her husband, Tim, was away for work and she felt isolated. Using cocaine provided a temporary rush of energy and control, masking her feelings of depression and neglect within her marriage.
What started as an occasional use – a line once or twice a month while the children slept – escalated over five years to once a week. She used the drug as a perceived reward for parenting alone and noted that some of her friends also engaged in social cocaine use, though she did not disclose her solitary habit. The situation worsened after the birth of her third child, as her marriage continued to deteriorate. She stopped using cocaine during pregnancies and breastfeeding but resumed afterward, with usage increasing to five lines a night a few times a week. She would withdraw large sums of cash daily to pay dealers, a practice her husband, who worked away frequently, did not notice due to their separate bank accounts. Whales also discovered her husband had been unfaithful, which she said further damaged their intimate relationship, leading to a year without sex. In 2017, she decided to leave her husband.
The COVID-19 lockdown in March 2020 exacerbated her addiction. Loneliness led to increased use, up to 12 lines daily, and home-schooling became a challenge. After the lockdown ended, her drug use led to missed family commitments, such as football practice. She described her physical decline, with dry, spotty skin, sunken eyes, and a weight loss to a size six, which she attributed to her divorce.
In February 2021, at age 43, she realized the severity of her situation, fearing for her life. Over the preceding decade, she estimated she had spent more than £80,000 on cocaine, including a significant portion of her divorce settlement. Seeking help, she found an online treatment center, Help Me Stop, which offered a six-week program including virtual group sessions and one-to-one therapy, allowing her to remain at home. Recovery was challenging, but after a few weeks, she reported feeling able to smile, sleep, and laugh with her children again. She expressed horror at her past behavior and the potential consequences, such as losing custody of her children. She continues to attend online Narcotics Anonymous meetings and has since retrained as a counselor to help others struggling with addiction.