Modern Chivalry: Etiquette Expert Redefines Gentlemanly Conduct for Today

The age-old concept of chivalry is being re-examined for the modern era, with etiquette expert Laura Windsor, known for her work advising Netflix on Regency-era social graces for "Bridgerton," offering new guidelines for gentlemanly conduct. Windsor asserts that contemporary chivalry prioritizes consideration, respect for independence, and understanding individual needs over assumptions of female vulnerability.

Recent public interactions, such as actor Jacob Elordi's animated response to paparazzi during an outing with Kendall Jenner, highlight the evolving perception of male behavior. While some social media users criticized Elordi's reaction, others defended it as protective. Windsor suggests such displays may not align with current expectations of refined behavior.

Evolving Gender Roles and Etiquette

Windsor clarifies that modern chivalry shifts the focus from defending a woman's honor to respecting her space and autonomy. "It is less about assuming that a woman needs rescuing and more about being considerate, reading the room and respecting her independence and freedom," she explained.

This updated perspective extends to interpersonal interactions. Instead of automatically intervening in a confrontation, Windsor advises asking the woman if she requires assistance, acknowledging that she may be capable of handling the situation herself. "True chivalry is knowing when and when not to intervene," she stated, emphasizing self-control and calm responses.

Navigating Social Interactions: From Dining to Daily Gestures

Specific rules of etiquette are also being redefined. When it comes to paying restaurant bills, the general guideline is that the person who extends the invitation is expected to pay. This replaces the older custom of men invariably covering the cost of dates.

Traditional gestures like walking on the outside of the pavement to shield a woman from traffic and horse dung still hold relevance in protecting against fast-moving vehicles. Windsor notes that such actions, while seemingly minor, demonstrate attentiveness and thoughtfulness.

In dining settings, the custom of a woman ordering first remains, but the expectation for a man to relay her order to the waitstaff has evolved. Windsor suggests that if a man invites a woman to dinner, he should allow her to order first as a gesture of hospitality, emphasizing that good manners should not be gender-specific.

Practical Courtesy in Everyday Scenarios

Assisting with a coat or offering an arm on uneven terrain are still considered thoughtful gestures, but Windsor stresses the importance of asking permission, such as with a polite "allow me" or "may I," rather than assuming. Similarly, pulling out a chair for a woman, while potentially courteous, should not be overemphasized, given the lighter weight of modern furniture.

Windsor underscores that good manners should be universally applied, not just as a tactic to impress a particular person. "Good manners are not a flirting technique... They are not reserved just for women you want to impress," she stated. The true measure of a gentleman lies in consistent courtesy towards everyone, including service staff and individuals who may not offer any personal benefit.

The Power of Listening

Finally, Windsor highlights the significance of active listening. While women may sometimes seek advice, they often desire to be heard above all else. She advises against launching into problem-solving without being asked, instead encouraging attentive listening and avoiding interruptions. "It’s not about you or what you think, it’s about her," she concluded.