The conversation around dating advice frequently centers on what women are tired of hearing, but men also receive unsolicited and often unhelpful guidance. Experts suggest that while women are sometimes advised to evaluate potential partners on their emotional availability, men are often instructed to project confidence and appear unbothered, a dynamic that can be detrimental.
Tom Stroud, co-founder of the Shoulder to Shoulder Men’s Community, notes that the idea of emotional expressiveness being a sign of weakness is a damaging misconception. He argues that it takes more courage to be honest about one's feelings in a relationship.
Men themselves have expressed frustration with common dating advice. One man shared that he dislikes the suggestion to "don't seem too interested" in a potential partner, stating, "I hate downplaying my feelings, and I don’t think hard to get really works with the right women." Another individual recounted receiving advice to "go on as many dates as I could" with the expectation that the right person would eventually appear, which he felt turned dating into a numbers game, preventing intentionality.
Other frequently cited unhelpful advice includes "put yourself out there," "strive to be the best version of myself before I settle down," and "send out the right vibes." The cliché "love will find you when you least expect it or aren’t looking for it" also draws criticism, with men questioning how a relationship can begin if they are discouraged from actively seeking it.
Some men find advice rooted in outdated gender roles, such as "be a man" or "be dominant," to be problematic. There's also a sentiment that advice from friends who met partners in different life stages, like college, doesn't accurately reflect the realities of dating in one's 30s.
![A man is looking thoughtfully into the distance.]( "‘Don’t seem too interested in her.’ I hate downplaying my feelings, and I don’t think hard to get really works with the right women.”)
Regarding what dating advice men should follow, Stroud emphasizes honesty and realistic expectations. He suggests differentiating between genuinely wanting a relationship and being attracted to the idea of one. Stroud also stresses that healthy relationships require continuous effort from both individuals, involving curiosity, kindness, and making time for the relationship to develop.
He advocates for flexibility in partner selection, moving away from the pursuit of a perfect match and recognizing that compatibility can manifest in various ways. The focus, he suggests, should be on choosing to build a life with someone and commit to working through challenges together, rather than searching for an idealized "one."