Some women are finding that medications prescribed for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), such as Vyvanse, are leading to unexpected shifts in their marriages, with partners expressing a preference for their pre-treatment personalities. This phenomenon has led to online discussions dubbing these medications the "divorce drug."
One woman shared her experience, explaining that since starting Vyvanse, she has become calmer and more focused. She no longer feels the urge for constant excitement or acts impulsively, which she acknowledges was characteristic of her behavior before diagnosis. While she appreciates this new clarity and self-control, her husband has commented that she has "lost her spark" and misses the "exciting" nature of their past relationship, particularly her former adventurousness in sexual matters.
The woman expressed guilt when she declines late nights or wishes for less elaborate sexual encounters, questioning if her husband fell in love with her "chaos" rather than her true self. She also wonders if he truly desires her well-being.
Columnist Jana Hocking noted that this experience is not unique, with some women reporting that once the "fog" of undiagnosed ADHD lifts with medication, they begin to re-evaluate their lives and relationships. Hocking suggests that the husband may be romanticizing the past, remembering the excitement while the woman bore the burden of managing overwhelming impulses. She emphasizes that it is difficult for those without ADHD to comprehend the profound internal quietness medication can bring.
Hocking also posited that the woman might simply be maturing, and a quieter lifestyle, such as staying in with a quiet night, becomes more appealing with age. She advises the woman to ask her husband what he truly misses. If it is the past impulsivity, Hocking suggests that this phase would have naturally passed with age. However, if he misses a sense of shared excitement and feeling desired, that is a conversation that can be addressed by actively rekindling desire within the relationship.
According to Hocking, relationships evolve, and couples who last are those who remain curious about each other through life's changes, rather than trying to recapture a past version of their partner. She recommends an open conversation about what a happy future together looks like, stressing that if the husband cannot embrace the woman's current self, he may be disappointed.
In a separate anecdote within the same source, a woman describes her boyfriend's practice of secretly recording their arguments. He claims to use these recordings for self-improvement, listening back to determine who was "right" and even sharing them with his therapist. This behavior has made the woman feel violated, as she worries about her private conversations being saved and replayed. Hocking advises the woman to address the underlying issue of her boyfriend's fixation with being right, suggesting that secretly recording conversations can be legally questionable and emotionally damaging to a relationship.