Couples experiencing a decline in romantic feelings can work to rekindle their connection, according to marriage therapists. They emphasize that while falling out of love may not happen overnight, the process of falling back in love also requires time and dedicated effort from both partners.
One key piece of advice involves shifting focus from grand romantic gestures to rebuilding a sense of mutual liking. Therapists suggest couples first identify what they need to do to "like" their spouse again, which may involve addressing past hurts and engaging in a forgiveness process. Recalling past successful forgiveness strategies can be a starting point.
Therapists also highlight the importance of ending destructive communication patterns, such as the "pursuer-distancer" dynamic where one partner's increased demands lead the other to withdraw. To break this cycle, the "pursuer" is advised to communicate their needs more gently, while the "distancer" must become more emotionally engaged. This adjustment in communication style is crucial for fostering genuine connection.
Recalling initial attractions can also help. Marriage and family therapists encourage couples to remember the qualities that first drew them to their partner and to recreate those positive courtship feelings, perhaps through weekly dates. Finding new shared interests or revisiting old ones is also recommended to prevent couples from living parallel lives and to encourage drifting back together.
Physical intimacy is another area therapists advise couples to prioritize. Making an intentional effort to engage in physical touch, including sex, can help release oxytocin and strengthen the feeling of bonding and relaxation. Rebuilding sexual touch and affection is seen as a vital component in rebuilding love and intimacy.
Small, sweet gestures can also play a significant role. Therapists suggest making a list of thoughtful actions that were appreciated in the past and reenacting them to remind both partners of their connection and bring them closer.
Finally, therapists advise against blaming a partner for the marital distance. Instead, couples are encouraged to communicate their wants and needs directly and respectfully. Creating an environment where partners feel safe being vulnerable is considered essential for a relationship to fall in love repeatedly.
