A reader has been advised to consider leaving her husband after discovering he accrued gambling debts of £150,000, necessitating equity release on her home, and engaged in ongoing deception. Caroline West-Meads, a relationships counselor, described the situation as financial abuse and deeply manipulative.
The reader, who is 82, met her second husband after her first marriage ended. She described him as kind and patient, initially trusting him completely. However, she later discovered his gambling problem, which led to significant debt. She also found he had been contacting an old girlfriend behind her back and lied to their children to avoid repercussions. According to the reader, her husband attributes his actions to poor health or anxiety and has lied to medical professionals and counselors, often retreating into feigned illness when confronted.
West-Meads stated that while the husband is 86, he is fully aware of his actions. She highlighted that the financial ruin and the reader's need to take out equity release on her home are clear indicators of financial abuse. The counselor also pointed to the husband's pattern of lying to family and professionals as deeply manipulative behavior.
Despite years of counseling and efforts to help him, the reader stated her husband has shown no willingness to change. She expressed exhaustion from living under these circumstances and her desire not to spend her remaining years in such a state.
West-Meads encouraged the reader to prioritize her own needs, suggesting she deserves peace, honesty, and freedom from intimidation. She advised the reader to inform her children about the situation to avoid carrying the burden alone. The counselor recommended contacting Hourglass, a charity for older people experiencing abuse, and consulting a solicitor to understand her legal options. She noted that the reader has already demonstrated strength by regaining control of finances and maintaining an active social life.
In a separate query, West-Meads advised a reader on how to handle a friend whose teenage son suffers from anxiety and other issues. The friend reportedly makes critical comments about mutual friends' children, seeming to find comfort in their problems. West-Meads suggested that this behavior might stem from the friend struggling with her own situation and possibly feeling like a failure, and advised a gentle approach by asking about her well-being and suggesting she seek support.