A man has confessed to struggling with his attraction to his wife after she adopted a new, short hairstyle. The reader, identified as 'The Cut That Cut Me Off,' shared his dilemma in a column by Jana Hocking.
According to the reader, his wife recently cut her hair into a pixie style, a change that has significantly impacted his libido. He finds himself unable to perform in bed and is hiding the truth from his wife, who loves her new look. He describes the short hair as reminding him of a man and feels that her long hair was an integral part of what he found feminine and attractive.
"I never realised how much her long hair was part of what I found feminine and attractive until it disappeared," he wrote. Despite months passing, his feelings have not changed, leaving him in a difficult position as he grapples with whether to voice his discomfort or remain silent about his waning attraction.
Hocking acknowledged the reader's predicament, admitting that hair plays a significant role in how people perceive attractiveness, age, and gender presentation. She noted that research supports the idea that hair influences these perceptions.
"The fact is, we're a little more visually wired than we'd like to believe, and there's actually research that proves that hair plays a surprisingly large role in how we perceive someone's age, health, attractiveness, and even masculinity and femininity," Hocking explained. She likened the situation to her own experience of being unsettled when a man she was dating shaved off his beard.
However, Hocking urged the reader to communicate with his wife, advising him to express his feelings carefully. She suggested framing the issue as his personal struggle to adjust rather than her making a mistake. She cautioned against calling her 'butch,' warning that it would likely cause hurt and conflict.
Instead, Hocking recommended telling his wife that he misses her long hair because it was always associated with her, while also acknowledging that the new style makes her happier and more confident. She suggested that hair grows and perceptions can adapt, implying that the situation might resolve over time. Hocking concluded by emphasizing the importance of kindness and leading with empathy during this transitional phase.