A man, identified only as 'Birthday Blues,' has sought advice from agony aunt Jane Green regarding his girlfriend's unique birthday request. As his girlfriend approaches her 30th birthday, she has expressed a desire not for gifts, but for him to fulfill a specific and 'extreme' fantasy in the bedroom.
The man, who described himself as not entirely 'vanilla' but still hesitant about the request, stated that while he agreed to her wish, he is now experiencing nervousness as her birthday looms. He is concerned about disappointing his girlfriend but also apprehensive about going through with the fantasy. He has asked for a way to back out without causing hurt feelings or ruining her birthday celebration.
In response, Jane Green acknowledged the difficulty of advising without knowing the specific nature of the fantasy, noting that what one person considers extreme, another might find normal. She advised that nervousness is a natural reaction to trying something new, but distinguished it from being repulsed or unwilling. Green suggested that while introducing new elements can enhance sexual intimacy in long-term relationships, forcing oneself into something deeply uncomfortable is not advisable.
Green recommended that the man communicate his feelings of nervousness and discomfort to his girlfriend. She also suggested exploring the possibility of a compromise, seeking an alternative that is slightly outside his comfort zone but does not elicit the same level of unease. She emphasized that while indulging a partner is important, one's own comfort and boundaries should also be considered.