Lisa Faulkner Discusses Guilt and Therapy After Mother's Cancer Death

Lisa Faulkner has shared that she underwent extensive therapy to process the guilt she felt following her mother Julie's death from cancer. Faulkner was 16 when her mother passed away at the age of 44.

In an interview on the Full Disclosure podcast, Faulkner revealed that she and her mother had a difficult relationship in the years leading up to her diagnosis. "I know I was horrible," Faulkner said of her teenage self. "I know that me and my mum, though I had a very idyllic childhood, we clashed. She was a fireball..."

Faulkner explained that her mother and father shielded her and her younger sister from the full gravity of the illness. "I had no idea she was going to die and I had no idea how ill she was. They were protecting me from that," she stated. She recalled not being allowed near her mother during radiotherapy, a stark contrast to her own experience with the treatment years later.

Faulkner, who herself was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and has since received an all-clear, reflected on how her mother's illness was perceived as an inconvenience during her teenage years. "I want to go out. I've suddenly discovered pubs and boys and it was the late '80s and life was brilliant and so it was, my mum getting ill was a real hindrance."

This perspective contributed to her feelings of guilt. "I had to do a lot of therapy, because I felt like I blamed myself for being really unkind," Faulkner admitted. She noted that her godmother told her she and her mother were very similar, and that this similarity likely led to frustration for her mother.

Faulkner also drew parallels to her daughter Billie, who is now older than Faulkner was when her mother died. "She'd be really quite cold and aloof with me. And I know exactly, I know exactly why," Faulkner said, attributing this behavior to the adolescent tendency to see oneself as the protagonist of one's own life.

Regarding her own recent cancer battle, Faulkner stated, "I am out the other end." However, she described experiencing new anxieties. "It's really been strange and I thought I would be 'oh it's just a blip and I'll be fine,' but it's taken me much longer, than I thought it would, but I am better and I am well and I am so grateful to our health service who are amazing. Really amazing."

Faulkner also expressed gratitude for the support of her husband, John Torode, during her health struggles. She shared an Instagram post crediting him with helping her through the difficult period.