Lauren Silverman Reflects on 'Shameful' Affair with Simon Cowell

Lauren Silverman has spoken out about the shame and embarrassment she experienced following her affair with Simon Cowell, which resulted in her pregnancy with their son Eric. The mother of two acknowledged the public backlash and her own internal struggle with the situation.

"I felt ashamed and embarrassed, like I had a scarlet letter on my chest," Silverman told The Sun's Fabulous Magazine. "For a long time I struggled a lot with it. I get why people had that opinion of me. I would feel exactly the same way if I was looking in as an outsider."

Silverman, now using the name Lauren Cowell, became pregnant with Cowell's child in 2013 while still married to her ex-husband, Andrew. Her ex-husband filed for divorce, citing adultery as the cause for their separation.

"I'm not trying to evade accountability or say that what I did was correct, but I'm human, and it happened. What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life? F**king beat myself up over it? I don't think that's fair," she stated. "I feel a lot of compassion for that girl. It makes me want to hug my former self. I beat myself up so much and allowed what other people were saying about me to define me."

Despite the difficult start to their relationship, Silverman and Cowell have defied the odds and hope to marry in the future. Silverman also shared her pride in rebuilding her relationship with her ex-husband, Andrew, noting that they recently spent "parents weekend" together at their eldest son Adam's college. Adam is currently in his third year studying at the University of Miami.

"Families evolve in all sorts of ways, and I’m really proud of the relationship we’ve all built and how far we’ve come," Silverman posted on social media, accompanying photos from the weekend. "Most of all, I’m so proud of Adam. He’s happy, thriving and becoming such a great young man."

When the affair was first rumored, Cowell commented in 2013, "I let down a friend and I feel bad about that. But the good thing is I’m having a baby and never thought I would." Her ex-husband Andrew later described the ordeal as "a very difficult time in my life" but added that he "learned a lot," focusing on his son throughout the experience.