Katherine Ryan Recounts Husband's Struggle with Male Postpartum Depression

Katherine Ryan has shared details about her husband Bobby Koostra's struggle with male postpartum depression following the birth of their son, Fred. The comedian spoke on the Weirdo's Book Club podcast about how the couple initially had difficulty understanding what Koostra was experiencing, as he was unable to articulate his feelings at the time.

Ryan suggested that Koostra's challenging childhood, including the early death of his father, may have contributed to his emotional difficulties as a new father. She drew a parallel to Prince Harry's description of an emotional void stemming from the loss of his mother, noting that Koostra also has fragmented memories of his own childhood.

"Especially with his history, he doesn't remember his childhood, he lost his dad young," Ryan said. "You know how Prince Harry talks about this empty space, like a protective part of his brain blocked out his mother entirely, which is so sad? Bobby has the same thing."

The couple's relationship progressed quickly, and after experiencing miscarriages, they welcomed their son Fred. Ryan mentioned that naming their son after Koostra's late father was a significant choice.

Ryan also discussed their decision for Koostra to become a stay-at-home father. She stated she wanted to respect his wishes and avoid taking on the role of being the sole decision-maker. "He also had to look after Fred quite a bit, because I believed him about wanting to be a stay at home dad. I was trying not to be a first-born daughter in this scenario when he said he wanted to be a stay-at-home dad," she explained.

During the lockdown period, Ryan returned to filming and later went on tour. She noted that caring for a newborn presented a different set of challenges compared to older children. "I think he's a great stay-at-home dad now that they're old enough to speak. But to give him a newborn, and I was still breastfeeding…"

Ryan admitted that she struggled to recognize Koostra's distress at the time, as the concept of male postpartum depression was not widely understood. "Bobby was not really able to articulate what he was going through at the time. This was five years ago, but we didn't really know about male postpartum depression. He was just on edge."

She recounted that Koostra rarely spoke about his feelings, and she only fully grasped the extent of his struggles after he reflected on the experience. "He doesn't speak much anyway. Didn't know what was going on. But when he came out of it, he was like, 'Oh, I was having a really terrible time,'" she recalled. Looking back, Ryan described Koostra as being consumed by worry, experiencing sleep difficulties and spending long periods watching their baby.

While postpartum depression is often associated with mothers, fathers can also experience depression and anxiety during the perinatal period. Ryan also reflected on her own feelings of guilt regarding her decision to return to work while Fred was still breastfeeding, attributing these feelings partly to internalized misogyny and societal expectations about motherhood.

"That's a difficult feminist admission because I do internalize misogyny and I think, 'Oh, I shouldn't have gone straight back to work.' I shouldn't have left a man alone with a newborn. I should have done it, I've done it once before," she said, referencing her own tendency to take on responsibility.