Jeffrey Dahmer's mother, Joyce Dahmer, believed her son's murders of 17 men stemmed from a profound fear of rejection and a desire to be with people who could not leave him or criticize him, according to forensic psychologist Dr. Eric Hickey.
Hickey, who interviewed Joyce Dahmer in 1994, stated that she wanted him to understand a crucial distinction about her son: "Jeffrey never tried to hurt anybody. He killed them, but he never tried to hurt them." This statement, Hickey explained, points to Dahmer's motive not being rooted in sadism or a desire to inflict suffering, but rather in his inability to cope with the prospect of rejection from living individuals.
"He wasn't interested in the suffering of the victims," Hickey told the Daily Mail. "He wanted to be with people, but he knew he wasn't comfortable being with them while they're alive because of the rejection he felt. The idea of being with someone who might reject him was just overwhelming to him. He just couldn't do that. So he was more comfortable with them being deceased."
Dahmer, born in 1960, committed his first murder at age 18 and continued his spree primarily in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. He would often lure men he identified as vulnerable and alone from bars, shopping malls, or bookstores back to his apartment, offering money or photo opportunities. Once there, he would drug them before killing them, often keeping body parts as morbid mementos.
Hickey's access to Joyce Dahmer came about after he met her son, David Dahmer, who was visiting Chicago. This led to several days of interviews with David, which subsequently resulted in the meeting with their mother.
During their conversation, Joyce Dahmer emphasized that her son was not driven by malice but by a need to be with others, albeit in a necrophilic manner. "He just needed to be with somebody. His obsession was to kill them and then have their bodies," Hickey recounted. He stressed that while many people experience neediness, Dahmer crossed extreme lines.
Hickey believes that Dahmer's warped psychology was shaped by a difficult family background. His parents had a strained relationship, his mother struggled with mental health issues, and communication within the home was poor. Joyce Dahmer described her son as "very sad," "always kind of depressed," and "kind of a downer kind of guy." At school, Dahmer attempted to fit in by acting as a class clown but lacked social confidence and concealed his homosexuality.
The fear of rejection was exacerbated by family separation. Joyce left the home with David, leaving Jeffrey with a father with whom he was not close. Hickey noted that Jeffrey felt "totally abandoned," which likely intensified his psychological distress.
While Hickey acknowledged that it's speculative to determine if Dahmer would have become a serial killer had his family situation been different, he suggested that a move to California with his mother might have offered a different path. Such a move could have exposed Dahmer to other young gay men and diverted him from his destructive fantasies.
In the early stages of his crimes, Hickey believes the fatal trigger occurred when his victims indicated they needed to leave. "Had those men stayed with him, they would have lived," he said, clarifying that this was not to blame the victims, but to highlight how their ordinary decision to depart ignited Dahmer's pathological fear of abandonment.
Each murder further fueled Dahmer's descent into his fantasy world, leading him to explore, disembowel, and eventually cannibalize body parts. Hickey stated that Dahmer eventually crossed a threshold where he knew he would kill any man he brought home.
Joyce Dahmer reportedly grappled with self-blame after her son's capture, questioning whether better communication and a happier home life might have altered his trajectory. However, Hickey rejected the notion that a single parent or event was solely responsible, describing Dahmer's path as a consequence of multiple factors. He posited a "30-70 framework," suggesting a potential biological or genetic predisposition (nature loading the gun) compounded by the significant impact of a child's environment and upbringing (nurturing or lack thereof pulling the trigger).
According to Hickey, Joyce Dahmer did not press her son for details about the killings, finding them too horrific to contemplate. Jeffrey Dahmer was apprehended on July 22, 1991, after an intended victim escaped and alerted the police. He was later beaten to death by a fellow inmate in November 1994.