A woman who has been married for 28 years is experiencing distress and anxiety after her husband expressed a desire to explore new sexual activities, leading her to question whether he is being unfaithful.
In a letter to agony aunt Caroline West-Meads, the reader stated that she believed their sex life had been satisfying until her husband recently declared he was "bored" and wanted to try different things in the bedroom. This revelation has caused her to worry about his potential infidelity and whether he might seek other partners if she does not comply with his requests.
West-Meads suggested that while an affair is a possibility, it is not the only explanation for his feelings. She advised the reader to look for other warning signs, such as increased secrecy with his phone, changes in routine, or emotional distance. Alternatively, the husband's desires might be influenced by external factors like friends or media portrayals of relationships.
To gain clarity, West-Meads recommended the reader calmly ask her husband if his wish to spice up their sex life is linked to someone else. She noted that his response—whether open and reassuring or evasive and defensive—could offer significant insight. For couples looking to explore new sexual ideas, West-Meads suggested resources like Esther Perel's "Mating In Captivity" or Paul Joannides' "Guide To Getting It On," which emphasize open communication and mutual respect. If infidelity is confirmed, counseling can provide support.
In a separate query, another reader expressed despair over her 15-year-old daughter's intense anger and distress following the announcement of her mother's planned pregnancy with her current husband. The daughter, who was conceived during a difficult relationship for her mother and has been an only child, reportedly weeps and shouts that her life has been ruined. The mother and her husband, married for two years, had planned this pregnancy.
West-Meads acknowledged the daughter's reaction as understandable, given that she has had nearly all of her mother's attention for 15 years. She suggested the daughter may fear losing her mother's love to the new baby, especially since the new child will have a father present in its life. West-Meads advised the mother to reassure her daughter of her unchanging love and to acknowledge her fears about the upcoming changes. She also recommended making dedicated time for just the mother and daughter, with the husband's support, and accepting practical help after the baby's birth to manage energy levels. Counseling services were also suggested for the daughter to safely express her emotions.