Actress Hayden Panettiere has opened up about the "most painful decision" of her life: relinquishing full custody of her daughter, Kaya, to her ex-fiancé, Wladimir Klitschko. Panettiere's daughter has resided with her father in Europe since 2018.
In her memoir, "This Is Me: A Reckoning," Panettiere explains that she recognized her own difficult mental and emotional state at the time. "I just knew that if I wanted to... I knew how bad a place I was in," she told Fox News Digital. "I hid it from my daughter as much as I could."
Panettiere stated that observing the supportive environment and care Kaya received in Europe led her to believe that fighting for custody would be detrimental to her child. "If I fight, if I go to war about this, it's going to permanently damage my child. It's going to be incredibly public. She's got two very famous parents, and it's going to be ugly," she recalled thinking. "I said, 'You know what? Let her grow up here.' I will travel here as much as I can. I know she's safe. I know she's well taken care of — beyond well taken care of. She has an incredible life. And I also knew that there would be a day when she would come back to me."
"Not being under the same roof as Kaya has been the most gut-wrenching experience of my life," Panettiere wrote in her memoir, detailing the "emotional pain" of the situation. She described grieving that she was not the mother she aspired to be, acknowledging the difficulty of raising a child remotely and expressing her deep longing for her daughter.
Panettiere's struggles were compounded by a challenging pregnancy with Kaya. During prenatal scans, doctors noted potential abnormalities, warning of possible microcephaly. The actress also experienced a life-threatening delivery, undergoing emergency surgery and seven blood transfusions due to complications during her C-section.
Following childbirth, Panettiere contended with severe postpartum depression, which she initially mistook for the "baby blues." The prolonged and intense feelings of unhappiness and anxiety, which lasted for months, led her to self-medicate with alcohol. "You are just discontent and unhappy all the time," she said. "It doesn't make rational sense. It's not logical."
By the time Kaya was four months old, Panettiere recognized her drinking had become uncontrollable and sought professional treatment for addiction. "I just knew that I had to get help, do it for myself. I knew I was no good in the condition that I was in," she stated. While she emerged from treatment sober, she continued to grapple with postpartum depression.
In 2015, anxiety resurfaced, leading Panettiere to rely on prescription medication. This period coincided with the unraveling of her relationship with Klitschko. In 2018, Klitschko presented her with documents seeking full custody, expressing concerns about Kaya's well-being when in her care. Panettiere maintained that Kaya was always supervised by loving caregivers and that she had never been intoxicated while alone with her daughter. Nevertheless, she opted not to contest the custody arrangement, believing it was the best course of action for Kaya while she focused on her own recovery.
"I was mortified when I saw stories like 'Hayden Panettiere gave up her daughter,'" she said. "I was heartbroken. It's not like I live for other people's opinions of me, but I'm also a human being. Everyone wants to be understood."
Panettiere has since worked to maintain a strong bond with Kaya, traveling frequently to Europe and communicating via FaceTime. She and Klitschko have maintained a civil relationship, adhering to a mutual promise not to speak negatively about each other to their daughter. Panettiere expressed confidence that her decision was the right one, observing that Kaya has become an "incredible human being."
Today, Panettiere reports feeling "great" and hopes that sharing her experience will encourage other mothers facing similar challenges to seek help. "I feel connected to myself," she said. "I feel like I'm taking good care of myself, checking in with myself. And I have a laundry list of things I would love to accomplish and create."