The annual French tradition of an August 'grande migration,' where much of the population takes a month-long holiday, highlights the importance of disconnecting from the daily grind to rediscover passion, according to sex expert Maia Mazaurette.
This practice, a deliberate break from the 'métro-boulot-dodo' (commute, work, sleep) cycle, aims to combat the friction that accumulates in long-term relationships through mundane moments and the exhaustion of modern life. The 'grande migration' allows for a national reset, with shops and offices closing, before returning in September refreshed and reinvigorated.
A UK survey of 2,000 people found that couples on holiday have twice as much sex with each other compared to when they are at home. This suggests that breaking from routine, even for a week, can significantly impact a couple's sex life.
Mazaurette offers several tips for couples looking to rekindle their sexual spark:
Splitting the Mental Load
Resentment is identified as a major passion killer. Couples are advised to divide invisible domestic and logistical tasks openly and in advance, such as managing packing, booking restaurants, or coordinating childcare. Assigning these tasks can prevent one partner from feeling like the sole responsible adult, which can stifle desire.
Trying New Times for Intimacy
While sex at home is often confined to brief moments before sleep, holidays offer the freedom to explore other times of day. A majority of French people surveyed prefer making love outside the traditional evening slot during summer breaks, with morning intimacy being a popular alternative. Utilizing different times of day can introduce novelty and different energy levels into sexual encounters.
Embracing Novelty in the Bedroom
Extending the holiday mindset of trying new activities to the bedroom can reignite passion. This can involve reversing typical sexual scripts, engaging in shared masturbation with guidance, or setting time limits for intimacy to encourage exploration. Mazaurette emphasizes that passion responds to newness and a touch of risk rather than just effort.
Utilizing Sexual Fantasy
Holidays provide an opportunity to fuel sexual fantasies. Mazaurette suggests engaging with romance and fantasy fiction, or listening to audiobooks, to create shared mental scenarios that can be explored together. This can serve as a starting point for reinventing intimacy.
Fostering a Sense of Fun
Long-term desire can wane due to excessive seriousness and a sense of dignity, often brought on by the responsibilities of childcare and careers. Holidays offer a social permission to be playful and even ridiculous. Incorporating games, role-playing, or simply engaging in lighthearted flirting can reduce pressure and enhance eroticism.
Getting Lost to Heighten Desire
Intentionally getting lost, for instance, by turning off phones and taking an unplanned route, can heighten desire. Uncertainty and mild stress can keep the brain alert and enhance attraction, mirroring the physical signs of attraction like quickened breathing and sharpened attention. Relying on each other to navigate unfamiliar situations can also strengthen a couple's bond.
Treating the Day as Foreplay
Unstructured time during holidays can be used to slow down and build anticipation. Mazaurette suggests extending meals, incorporating lingering touches throughout the day, and making deliberate promises for later intimacy. A study on sexual anticipation found that merely expecting an arousing encounter measurably heightens arousal and distorts the sense of time, making romantic moments feel more pleasurable.
Leveraging External Inspiration
Summer can naturally stimulate fantasy lives, with many individuals fantasizing about people they encounter. Instead of ignoring this, couples can borrow from this energy by role-playing as strangers, introducing themselves with new names, and interacting as if their history together has not happened. This can provide a comfortable framework for exploring new dynamics and desires.
For couples with children, Mazaurette advises that even simple measures like a locked door and an early enforced bedtime for children can significantly benefit a marriage. Utilizing any available child-free time, or incorporating small public displays of affection, can help maintain intimacy even when more extensive private time is limited. The ultimate aim, she concludes, is to restore the relationship through a break from routine, mirroring the French approach to August.