Chea Eagleson, now 36 and a minister and substitute teacher, recalled realizing her "mean girl" past while lying on the floor of an Indiana crack den at age 17. Before dropping out of high school, Eagleson had spread rumors about a classmate's herpes outbreak, excluded peers from lunch tables, and was frequently disruptive in class. She attributes her behavior, in part, to an abusive home life and a strong desire to belong.
Eagleson's epiphany in the crack den led her to join a church, get sober, finish school, and earn advanced degrees. She now reflects on her past with regret, recounting an encounter years later with a former classmate who revealed that the teenage bullying had worsened her depression and led her to consider suicide. "I was so self-centered about my own problems... You're not thinking about how other people are feeling," Eagleson said.
Christina King, a therapist specializing in adolescent girls, noted that teen girls often use emotional abuse and social exclusion to elevate their status. These behaviors, King explained, can be "modeled" from adults in their lives. She emphasized that it is possible for young women to evolve into empathetic adults, provided they are motivated to change.
Hope Hobbs, a 30-year-old mother of two, shared similar regrets stemming from her high school years, which coincided with the rise of social media. Her bullying primarily involved cyberbullying, sending anonymous messages and posting derogatory content under a fake account. Hobbs's grandparents, her primary guardians, were elderly and unaware of her online activities, allowing her to engage in cyberbullying without immediate consequence. She attempted to apologize to the targeted classmate years later via Facebook, but was blocked.
Now living in Oklahoma and having worked with a therapist, Hobbs fears the repercussions of her past actions. "I'm worried about karma," she stated. "I don't want it to happen to my daughter because I did it to somebody else."
Tamiko Edwards, a 53-year-old social work program manager, described her high school behavior as selective, primarily targeting those she perceived as mean to her first. She recalled keeping a "slam book" and engaging in altercations. Raised with a strong sense of self-confidence, Edwards felt she was mocked in her inner-city public school for being "loud" and having a "big mouth." She admitted that a decade after graduation, realizing she had few genuine friends prompted her to question her own role in these conflicts. "Everywhere I went, there was an issue... Maybe it's me," Edwards said.
Edwards, who graduated in 1991, credits therapy with helping her change and raise her children to respect others. She has apologized to some former classmates and believes her "inner mean girl" is still present but better managed. "I just don't let her come out," she said.