A conversational pattern dubbed 'boomerasking,' where individuals ask questions not out of genuine interest but as a prelude to discussing their own experiences, has been identified by a behavioral science expert. Dr. Michael Yeomans of Imperial College London, who co-authored a study on the phenomenon, suggests that this habit, which involves briefly acknowledging a response before steering the conversation back to oneself, can make individuals appear less sincere and likable.
The term 'boomerasker' describes people who use questions, often general ones like 'How was your weekend?,' as a conversational springboard to share their own stories. This approach, according to Dr. Yeomans, can be perceived as insincere because the response to the initial question is often glossed over. He advises that it is more effective to initiate a conversation about oneself directly rather than using a question as a subtle transition.
Dr. Yeomans suggests several strategies to break the boomerasking habit. One method is to practice asking questions that one cannot personally answer, such as inquiring about someone's pets if the asker does not own any. This encourages a focus on the other person's experience rather than an immediate redirection. Another key recommendation is to cultivate 'real interest' by actively listening and asking follow-up questions or making comments that demonstrate comprehension of what the other person has said. A further tip involves consciously attempting to extend the conversational turn-taking, allowing the other person to speak for an additional 'round' before pivoting back to oneself.
Research co-authored by Dr. Yeomans and published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology surveyed 302 individuals, revealing that two-thirds had encountered boomerasking within the preceding week. Subsequent surveys involving over 1,800 participants found that those who heard examples of boomerasking generally rated the individuals exhibiting the behavior as less sincere and less likable. The study identified three specific types of boomerasking: 'ask-bragging,' where a question is posed to enable a boast; 'ask-complaining,' where a question serves as an opening to voice grievances; and 'ask-sharing,' used to relay neutral personal information.
Dr. Yeomans emphasizes that recognizing the tendency to dismiss or fail to listen to responses is the crucial first step toward improvement. He advocates for increased curiosity about others as a means to learn from them and foster more authentic communication, moving away from boomerasking towards genuine engagement.