Etiquette Expert Advises Against Common Texting Phrases

Texting, the dominant form of communication for many, carries its own set of etiquette rules, according to Laura Windsor, an etiquette expert who advised Netflix on Regency-era social graces for the show 'Bridgerton.' Windsor highlights several common texting habits that can lead recipients to perceive the sender as rude, indifferent, or arrogant.

One prevalent phrase to avoid is 'Sorry, just seen this.' Windsor states this can be disingenuous and that a more honest approach is to acknowledge the delay with a phrase like, 'I’m terribly sorry I did not reply before.' She advises against making this a habit, as it can seem insincere. Windsor also suggests that senders should be understanding of delayed responses, recognizing that recipients have busy lives and will reply when they can. The ideal response to a late reply, she posits, is gracious acknowledgement, such as, 'Of course, I imagined you were very busy!' and thanks for the eventual response.

Another phrase to avoid is 'we need to talk.' Windsor explains this can sound ominous and manipulative, causing anxiety for the recipient. Instead, she recommends using softer language and modal verbs, suggesting phrases like, “Would it be possible to meet today? I would be very grateful if you have some time to chat.” She emphasizes the importance of thanking the recipient for their time in such messages.

Windsor also cautions against using one-word messages, such as "So?" or "Busy," as they can strip communication of warmth and context, potentially appearing abrupt or arrogant. She notes that such brevity can reduce the human connection in communication. Instead of a curt "Hello?" to prompt a response, she suggests a more considerate message like, "Hello, I’m not sure whether you were able to see my message earlier. No rush. Just wanted to know your thoughts on this. Thank you."

Passive-aggressive messages aimed at chasing replies, like "Still waiting" or "Is that a no then?" are also discouraged. Windsor argues these messages can be unfair, as the recipient may not have even read the original text. She advises against expecting others to adhere to one's own timeline, as it shows a lack of respect for their time.

Similarly, single-word expressions of sympathy, such as "Condolences," can sound callous and unempathetic. Windsor suggests that in moments requiring warmth, shortening sentences can make messages seem stark and robotic.

Adapting language to the recipient is also crucial. Using excessive acronyms or abbreviations with someone who may not understand them can be unhelpful and perceived as rude. Good manners, Windsor explains, involve recognizing the audience and adjusting one's communication style accordingly.

To soften potentially blunt messages, Windsor recommends using words like 'kind of,' 'sort of,' 'perhaps,' 'maybe,' and modal verbs such as 'could,' 'would,' and 'might.' For example, instead of a direct request, one might say, “I was wondering whether you could/would be so kind to…” or “Perhaps we need to review this a little more…”

Finally, sending a question mark (?) on its own as a response can appear arrogant and demanding. Windsor suggests more polite alternatives, such as, “When you get a second, please let me know what time you’d like to meet up,” or in a different context, “I'm so sorry, I don't quite understand your message. Would you repeat, please?” She reiterates that people are busy, and understanding that one's message may not be the immediate priority is key to respectful communication.