For Flic Everett, a vegetarian and former editor of a plant-based food magazine, and her husband Andy, a dedicated meat-eater, their shared kitchen in the West Highlands of Scotland presents a daily culinary challenge. Their opposing diets and distinct kitchen habits, despite a mutual love for cooking, have led to what she describes as "total and utter incompatibility," a situation that studies suggest can be a significant factor in relationship strain.
"We are totally incompatible – Jack Sprat and his wife – to the extent that in four years of marriage and a decade of living together, we have almost never eaten the same dinner," Everett wrote. This divergence extends to their preparation styles: Everett, who admits to a more improvisational and potentially messy cooking approach, often leaves a trail of ingredients and used utensils. In contrast, Andy meticulously dices ingredients and clears debris as he goes, maintaining a pristine workspace.
This dietary divide has roots in their upbringings and personal beliefs. Everett, an animal welfare advocate, transitioned to vegetarianism and later veganism due to ethical and environmental concerns, though a nickel allergy necessitated a return to dairy and occasional fish. Andy, who grew up in rural Scotland, holds a practical view on meat consumption, rooted in tradition and nutritional needs, further complicated by an autoimmune condition requiring a low-fiber diet. Their differing approaches to food, from shopping for distinct ingredients to the actual cooking process, require careful negotiation.
Shopping for groceries can be a two-hour affair, with separate trips to a deli and butcher for their individual preferences, followed by a visit to the local Co-op. While they aim for quality and seasonality, the necessity of buying separate staples inevitably increases their grocery bill. Everett noted that while their combined spending on food might be higher, it's a trade-off for the joy good food brings them, especially as they forgo frequent holidays and home renovations.
The practicalities of meal preparation also pose significant hurdles. Everett's tendency to decide on meals last minute, potentially exacerbated by an ADHD diagnosis, contrasts with Andy's habit of planning meals days in advance and utilizing tools like a sous-vide machine for slow-cooking meats. This often results in staggered mealtimes, with one partner eating while the other is still cooking. The aftermath of cooking also proves contentious, particularly the washing-up. Everett, who dislikes the task, tends to leave dishes and utensils scattered, a habit that has led to significant arguments, including one memorable spat over a damp cloth left in the sink.
Despite these challenges, the couple has found strategies to manage their differences. They often take turns cooking when entertaining guests or divide courses. Andy frequently prepares a vegetarian version of meat dishes for Everett, and she reciprocates with elaborate vegetarian starters and desserts. While friends sometimes express surprise at their culinary dichotomy, the couple emphasizes that their preferences are genuine and deeply held. They acknowledge that while differences in diet and kitchen habits can fuel conflict, their ability to respect each other's choices and find compromises has allowed their relationship to thrive.