A woman is seeking guidance from Dear Abby on how to handle renewed contact from past boyfriends while she continues her marriage to a husband who was unfaithful earlier in their relationship. The reader, who is 39 and has been with her husband for 20 years, stated that he cheated on her multiple times early in their relationship, but she was able to move past it and they now have a solid relationship and life together with two nearly grown children.
Over the past 18 months, several of her ex-boyfriends have reached out to her. Despite removing herself from social media and job websites, they have continued to find her. One ex-boyfriend, in particular, has occupied her thoughts significantly. While they reconnected over the phone about a year ago, no in-person contact occurred. The reader felt remorse and ended communication, but the ex-boyfriend found her again through a mutual friend, reigniting her intrusive thoughts.
The reader expressed feeling that she missed out on dating experiences, as her husband had been with many women while she had only been with him. She believes she knows the answer to her dilemma but is unable to discuss it with anyone else.
In response, Dear Abby advised the reader not to jeopardize her current solid relationship for a "what-if." The column emphasized that her husband's past infidelity should not serve as justification for her own potential cheating. Abby urged her to let go of his past indiscretions, describing them as "ancient history." The advice included blocking the ex-boyfriend and requesting friends not to share her contact information without permission. For those struggling to rekindle passion in their marriage, consulting a licensed couples counselor, either individually or with a partner, was recommended.
The column also addressed a separate query from a reader in Arizona whose friends significantly altered their visiting plans at the last minute, causing an imposition. The friends confirmed an afternoon arrival and dinner invitation for one day, only to call two hours prior to change plans, requesting to push dinner back to 10:30 p.m. and extend their visit for the entire following day. This created a conflict as the hosts had an early bedtime and pre-existing plans for the next day. The hosts accommodated the revised schedule by offering appetizers and dessert late into the evening, and reminded the guests of their morning departure plans. The guests, however, expressed disappointment at not being able to sleep late and visit extensively, as they preferred to sleep until noon. Dear Abby validated the original hosts' handling of the situation and advised against hosting the couple again in the future.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, whose real name is Jeanne Phillips. The column was originally founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.