Dear Abby is advising a woman who was betrayed by her ex-husband that she is not obligated to attend his funeral. The woman, identified as "Moving On in the South," sought guidance after her ex-husband, referred to as "Lloyd," passed away.
According to the reader's account, Lloyd ended their nearly 20-year marriage by claiming his feelings had changed and that they needed "some time apart," while simultaneously stating he did not want a divorce. Shortly after, he initiated divorce proceedings and moved another woman into their home. The reader stated that Lloyd subsequently spread lies about her, including accusations of infidelity, which turned the community against her. While some community members later apologized when the truth emerged, the reader expressed that the "bad memories" with her ex far outweigh any positive ones, and she has lost all respect for him.
Her ex-husband's family did not contact her about his death, nor did they inform her when his brother had previously passed away. Upon receiving the news of Lloyd's death from a friend, the reader felt indifference and questioned whether she was wrong for not wanting to attend his funeral.
In response, columnist Abigail Van Buren, writing as Dear Abby, stated that the reader is "certainly not wrong" for choosing not to attend. Van Buren explained that funeral attendance is primarily for paying respects and supporting the grieving family, and that the reader's presence is not required. The columnist also noted that Lloyd's family and the woman he moved in with would likely not welcome her attendance.
Van Buren suggested that on the day of the funeral, the reader should instead do something she would enjoy, preferably with supportive friends.
Dear Abby was founded by Pauline Phillips and is currently written by her daughter, Jeanne Phillips. Advice can be sought via DearAbby.com or by mail.