The popular advice column "Dear Abby," penned by Abigail Van Buren, known also as Jeanne Phillips, has offered counsel on a reader's struggle with a friend's declining health and another reader's query about proving her innocence.
The first reader, identified as "Stating My Case in Idaho," expressed deep concern for a long-time friend whose happiness appears to be centered around food, leading to significant weight gain. Despite a doctor's previous advice to lose weight, the friend has instead gained more. The reader noted that the friend's husband is also obese, and they frequently dine out, a ritual that seems to exacerbate the health issues. The friend suffers from a heart condition, knee and foot pain, and a poorly functioning liver, many of which could be alleviated by losing at least 80 pounds.
"Stating My Case" wishes to write a letter to her friend, detailing how difficult it is to watch her engage in self-destructive behavior and emphasizing that her daughter, granddaughter, and the reader herself need her to be around and healthy. The reader questioned if a letter would be inappropriate, as direct conversations have not been effective.
Dear Abby responded by suggesting that if the friend and her husband do not recognize their eating habits as a serious health problem and are not willing to change, nothing will likely improve. The column recommended Overeaters Anonymous, a self-help group with a history of success, as a potential resource, noting that it involves no weighing, shaming, dues, or fees, and is self-supporting through member contributions. Abby suggested that if the friend is unaware of OA, it might be helpful to mention it.
In a separate query, "Honest Daughter" detailed a strained relationship with her mother, who has accused her of removing personal papers from a file cabinet. The daughter vehemently denies ever accessing the cabinet or taking any papers, emphasizing her commitment to honesty and integrity. She is considering taking a polygraph test to validate her defense.
Dear Abby advised "Honest Daughter" to let the matter go. The column explained that polygraph tests have a significant margin of error and would not provide conclusive proof. Instead, Abby suggested that the mother's accusation might stem from her own frustration with misplacing the papers and encouraged the daughter to be more forgiving than her mother has been, even though the accusation was unfounded.