Dear Abby columnist Jeanne Phillips, known as Abigail Van Buren, has offered advice on a reader's struggle with family secrets and another reader's concern for a sibling facing financial and social challenges.
A reader, identified as "Keeper of Secrets," confided in Dear Abby about two significant family secrets they are contemplating revealing. The first secret concerns their cousin, who is unaware he was adopted. The cousin, who has a history of addiction and estrangement, often attributes his struggles to genetics and his parents' issues. The second secret involves the reader's ex-wife, with whom they divorced 40 years ago. The reader suspects that their ex-wife's isolation and difficult relationships stem from having given up a child for adoption during high school.
Dear Abby advised that revealing the adoption to the cousin could be beneficial, potentially allowing him to connect with birth relatives for family and medical history. However, Abby recommended against revealing the ex-wife's past to their children, noting that she was a minor at the time and may still be mourning the loss of the child.
In a separate letter, a reader named "Facing the Future" sought advice for their sibling, who has mild autism and struggles with credit card debt, preventing them from living independently. The sibling is hesitant to live with others unless they find a romantic partner. Dear Abby suggested that the sibling explore options such as declaring bankruptcy and consulting a financial adviser or credit counselor, recommending the National Foundation for Credit Counseling as a starting point.
Regarding social connection, Dear Abby encouraged "Facing the Future" to urge their sibling to join social groups aligned with their hobbies and interests. The column suggested that participating in quiet, in-person meetups could help ease social anxiety and foster friendships, even if romance does not develop.