Dear Abby Responds to Etiquette Dilemma Over Estranged Father's Death
The advice columnist offers guidance on navigating condolences for a loved one one has not spoken to in decades.
Dear Abby is weighing in on a complex social dilemma: how to respond when a friend's wife's estranged father dies, and the friend is upset that condolences were not offered. The advice column, written by Jeanne Phillips, who pens the Dear Abby column, addressed the situation in a recent response.
The reader, identified as "Not Insensitive in Arizona," explained that the wife's biological father died in a single-car accident. The wife had been estranged from him for over 30 years and had frequently expressed hatred towards him. She, however, was very close to her stepfather, who passed away a few years prior. The reader had offered condolences after the stepfather's death but not after the biological father's.
This omission led to the friend's upset, prompting the reader to seek guidance on the appropriate etiquette in such a situation.
Dear Abby advised the reader to explain to the friend that the lack of condolences was not intended as a slight, but stemmed from the wife's long-standing negative feelings toward her biological father. Abby also suggested reaching out separately to the wife to apologize if the lack of response caused hurt, clarifying that it was unintentional.
In the same column, Dear Abby also addressed other reader inquiries. One concerned a woman in her early 70s who was receiving mixed signals from a younger male co-worker. The co-worker had engaged in behaviors such as making faces, winking, and standing close, leading the reader to question his intentions and social disposition. Dear Abby suggested that the co-worker might be flirtatious or socially awkward, and encouraged the reader to accept his offer for a drink, viewing it as an opportunity to potentially gain a friend.
Another question involved how to introduce a daughter's long-term partner, with whom they have a strong bond, but who is not yet a son-in-law and is more than just a boyfriend. Dear Abby recommended asking the partner how he would prefer to be introduced, stating that following his lead is the best approach.