Dear Abby: Reader Asks if It’s Okay to Skip Family Holidays When Feeling Isolated

A reader, identifying as "Invisible in the Crowd," has asked for advice from Dear Abby on whether it is acceptable to skip family holiday gatherings due to feelings of isolation.

The reader explains that while he looks forward to seeing family members during Thanksgiving and Christmas, he often finds himself sitting alone as guests form cliques. Despite being surrounded by 15 to 25 people, he experiences depression and loneliness, feeling that no one shows interest in engaging in conversation with him.

He has previously mentioned this to family members, who have acknowledged the issue, yet the situation persists annually. "Invisible in the Crowd" is considering declining future invitations and politely explaining his reasons.

In response, Dear Abby, penned by Jeanne Phillips, advises the reader that he is in control of his own circumstances. Abby suggests that he could actively try to join conversations in different groups or attend for a short period to offer greetings before leaving to spend time with friends or go home. The advice column also states that it is not necessary to provide a specific reason for declining the invitation.

The column also addresses a separate query from "Almost-Bride in the East," who is experiencing conflict with her maid of honor over wedding shower plans. The bride expressed a desire for a larger shower with approximately 40 guests, while the maid of honor initially planned a surprise shower for 20 people and became upset when the bride wanted to be involved in the planning and have a larger guest list. The bride offered to cover expenses and help with planning, but the maid of honor refused, stating it was not the proper way to handle it and eventually withdrew from planning altogether.

Dear Abby suggested that the maid of honor was in the wrong for being unwilling to coordinate with the bride and for not being comfortable with the bride covering expenses. Abby recommended that the bride seek help from another friend or relative to plan the shower she desires.

Dear Abby has been a prominent advice column since its founding in 1956 by Pauline Phillips. Jeanne Phillips has been writing the column for nearly four decades.