Dear Abby Offers Advice on Funeral Etiquette and Roommate Woes

Dear Abby has weighed in on two distinct reader dilemmas, offering guidance on navigating social expectations during grief and managing difficult living situations.

In the first letter, a reader identified as "Last One in California" expressed distress over friends offering excuses for not attending her mother's funeral. The grieving daughter noted a pattern of one-sided support in her social circle, where she had consistently attended her friends' significant life events, including graduations, weddings, and even funerals. However, when it came to her mother's memorial, friends cited reasons such as a grandchild's soccer game or a 2-year-old's birthday party.

"This is MY MOM," the reader lamented, feeling a sense of abandonment and that she was a low priority. She questioned how to deal with her feelings of resentment.

Dear Abby responded by validating the reader's feelings while emphasizing the importance of her immediate support system. "Your spouse is right. In the final analysis, all you need is each other," Abby wrote, acknowledging that while supportive friends are welcome, the core group present at the funeral are the true allies. Abby suggested re-evaluating the other friends as "mere acquaintances."

In a separate query, a reader named "Doomed in Australia" sought advice on how to move out of a shared apartment due to extreme cooking odors. The reader explained that their roommate situation, which began after a friend moved away for work, had become untenable due to the cooking smells produced by the new couple living there. The odors exacerbated a health condition causing hypersensitivity to smells, making the kitchen unbearable.

Adding to the complexity, the reader felt guilt about leaving the couple to face the lease obligations alone, as the apartment was on a month-to-month agreement. They worried about the impact on their roommates, who were otherwise friendly and paid rent on time.

Dear Abby advised "Doomed" that their health must be the priority and that there was no need for guilt. The advice was to have an open conversation with the couple, explaining that while they were liked personally, the cooking odors were negatively affecting the reader's health. Abby suggested informing them of the plan to move to a smaller, personal studio apartment and offering the couple the option to stay or move out themselves. The columnist framed this as a step toward learning to stand up for oneself.

Dear Abby, originally founded by Pauline Phillips in 1956, is currently penned by her daughter, Jeanne Phillips.