Dear Abby columnist Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, has addressed two separate domestic issues in her recent column, offering guidance to wives struggling with their husbands' financial irresponsibility and poor personal hygiene.
In one letter, a woman identified as "Overworked and Underwhelmed" detailed her 11-year marriage to a husband who has repeatedly failed to maintain stable employment. The letter writer explained that her husband, who once held multiple union jobs and supported his mother and grandmother, left his stable career about six years ago to pursue various unsuccessful ventures, including currency trading, personal training, and used car sales. The wife stated she works full-time and a part-time weekend job, yet the couple still struggles to meet their financial obligations, often relying on her extended family for assistance. She expressed a loss of faith in her husband and a need for him to provide for their two children, highlighting that their relationship is suffering.
Dear Abby advised "Overworked and Underwhelmed" to set specific income goals and deadlines for her husband. The advice suggested stating the exact monthly income he needs to provide, even if through multiple part-time jobs, and setting a daily target for job applications. Abby warned that if these goals are not met by a specified date, separation should be considered, emphasizing that the wife and children are suffering from his lack of contribution.
A Husband's Apathy and Hygiene
The column also featured a letter from "All Washed Up," who has been married for 36 years. Her husband, who underwent heart surgery 12 years ago and has experienced depression, now refuses to leave his easy chair or perform basic personal hygiene tasks, such as bathing. The wife reported that her husband smells, causing her embarrassment when they go out, and that she is no longer physically intimate with him. She also stated he expects her to handle all household duties while she continues to work and they raise their granddaughter. Despite loving him, she desires a divorce but is financially unable to live independently.
Dear Abby responded to "All Washed Up" by recommending a discussion with a doctor to explore treatment options for depression and apathy following heart surgery. Additionally, she advised consulting an attorney to determine if sufficient assets have been accumulated during their marriage to allow for independent living. Abby suggested that obtaining this information might enable the wife to present her husband with an ultimatum, encouraging a healthier lifestyle that could potentially extend his life.