Dear Abby: Friendship dynamics shift after mental health crisis and new relationships
A reader seeks advice on navigating a friendship that has changed significantly after a mental health crisis and the introduction of a new fiancé.
Dear Abby recently addressed a reader, identified as "Not Over It in Oregon," who is grappling with the perceived loss of a 10-year friendship. The friend experienced a severe mental health crisis during which she frequently canceled plans and pushed the reader away. Although the reader expressed her hurt after the friend's mental health improved, she now feels the friendship has diminished further since her friend became engaged.
The reader questioned whether they had drifted apart, if the new fiancé had become more important, or if her confrontation had caused lasting resentment. She also wondered if 10 years of friendship held no weight and where to draw the line between excusing behavior due to mental health challenges and accepting a friendship has ended.
Dear Abby, whose column is written by Jeanne Phillips, advised the reader that relationships are not static and can change. Abby affirmed that the reader was within her rights to express her feelings about being pushed away during the crisis. However, Abby suggested that the reader needs to "lighten up" now, acknowledging that the friend's priorities have naturally shifted towards her fiancé. Abby stated that it's not unusual for the fiancé to be more important and that the intensity of the friendship has lessened, advising against further confrontation.
In a separate query, Dear Abby also advised a reader, "New Mexico Granddad," whose daughter is getting married. The plan was for the groom's autistic 8-year-old son to be the ring bearer and the reader's 2 1/2-year-old grandson to be the flower boy. However, the groom decided to exclude his son from the ceremony and subsequently asked that the reader's grandson also not participate.
Dear Abby explained that while the reader might feel let down, the bride and groom have the prerogative to organize their ceremony as they see fit. Abby emphasized that fairness is not a factor and no one is owed a place in the wedding party, encouraging the reader to attend the wedding with joy and respect the couple's decision.