Dear Abby Column Addresses Friend Reselling Gifts

Dear Abby is advising a reader who has discovered that a friend has been reselling the expensive birthday gifts she purchased for her autistic son.

The reader, identified as "Generous Friend in the East," detailed the situation in a letter to the advice column. She and her husband are friends with another couple, Matt and Mara, who have two young children, one of whom is autistic. The reader and her husband have five children and understand the challenges of parenting.

According to the letter writer, when it comes to birthdays and holidays, Mara consistently requests specific, often expensive, sensory items for her autistic son. While the reader adores the child, she expressed frustration at the cost of these items, citing a $90 memory foam chair as an example. To maintain equality, the reader and her husband purchase other gifts for the couple's other child.

The core of the reader's problem is that within a few months of receiving the gifts, she has seen them listed for sale online by Mara. Items mentioned include pajamas with tags still attached, a $50 plastic climbing dome, and an expensive race car track that Mara had specifically requested. The reader noted that the items were advertised as brand-new and unused, which she felt was a "slap in the face."

When the reader initially discussed the matter with her husband, he was initially annoyed but later dismissed it, suggesting Mara might have received duplicate gifts from multiple people. However, the repeated instances led the reader to question whether she had a right to be upset and if she should switch to giving gift cards in the future.

In her response, Dear Abby acknowledged that the reader has a right to be upset by the wasted effort and that the friend might be selling the items due to financial need. Abby suggested that gift cards could be an alternative, but cautioned that there was no guarantee they would be used as intended.

The column also addressed a separate query from a reader who wondered if saying "I wouldn't have missed this" at a wake service sounded insensitive. Dear Abby advised that while the sentiment was likely understood, a phrase like "It was important to me to be here for you" or offering a heartfelt compliment to the deceased would be more appropriate in such situations. She reassured the reader that social awkwardness is common during emotional events like wakes and funerals, and the widow likely understood the intent was not disrespectful.