Dear Abby: Brother-in-law Refuses to Speak After Nanny Request Denied

A woman in New York has received advice from Dear Abby after a disagreement with her twin sister and brother-in-law over childcare arrangements. The sister and her husband, who are expecting their first child, had offered the woman a position as a nanny three days a week once the maternity leave ends.

The woman, who runs a small business with her father and has a relationship with her boyfriend that does not include marriage or children, felt the request was excessive. She informed her sister and brother-in-law that she could not commit to such a significant responsibility, though she offered to help when possible. She stated that her own life and schedule were too unpredictable to be their primary childcare provider and expressed discomfort with becoming their employee given their already strained relationship.

This refusal led to anger from her brother-in-law, who has since stopped speaking to her. He reportedly does not understand why she could not fulfill this "favor," citing his own assistance with tasks like garbage removal, snow clearing, and mechanical issues.

In response, Dear Abby reassured the woman that she was not "crazy" for refusing the request and should not feel guilty. Abby noted that the brother-in-law's expectation that she become their babysitter without consulting her partner was "somewhere between sneaky and presumptuous."

Abby suggested that the underlying issue might be a lack of respect, which the woman should address with her sister. Regarding the brother-in-law, Abby advised that he needs to understand that the woman is content with her current work situation and that household chores are not equivalent to full-time childcare. The advice column also briefly addressed another reader's query about approaching a man who appears uninterested in relationships, with Abby advising against the approach.

This situation highlights familial expectations and boundary setting, particularly when significant life events like the birth of a child occur within a family unit that already has differing views on lifestyle and commitments.