Dear Abby is advising a woman against having a child simply to appease her boyfriend, stressing that such a decision should stem from a personal desire for parenthood. The columnist, Jeanne Phillips, writing as Dear Abby, cautioned the reader, identified as "Perplexed in California," that motherhood is a lifetime responsibility.
The reader explained that she and her boyfriend of four years are in love and agree on most things, including a shared belief that a marriage license is unnecessary for their relationship. They had also agreed that they did not want children, valuing their freedom and finances to allow for extensive travel. However, the boyfriend has recently begun to express a desire for a child, while the reader remains firm in her decision not to have any. She is also considering sterilization as she can no longer take birth control.
Her boyfriend initially offered to get a vasectomy to spare her surgery, but later confessed he had not gone through with it because he is scared and still might want a child. The boyfriend has fluctuated on the issue of having children over the past two years, while the reader has maintained her stance.
"Parenthood is a joy that should be embarked upon because you sincerely want a child, not to please your boyfriend," Abby responded. She urged the reader not to make such a significant decision for anyone but herself, pointing out that she would be left to raise a child alone if something were to happen to her boyfriend.
Abby also advised the reader to discuss alternative birth control options with her doctor, emphasizing the importance of using them diligently unless she is absolutely certain she wants to become a mother.
Additionally, Abby touched upon the reader's view of a marriage license as "just a piece of paper." The columnist explained that a marriage certificate offers significant legal protections, including rights in medical decision-making if a spouse becomes incapacitated and guarantees of inheritance. While common-law marriage exists, Abby stated that a marriage certificate provides superior legal standing.