Dear Abby Advises Setting Boundaries with Chronically Late Relatives
A reader is frustrated by a niece and her parents who consistently disregard agreed-upon schedules, leading to disrupted plans and feelings of being undervalued.
Columnist Dear Abby is advising a reader to establish firm boundaries with relatives who repeatedly disregard punctuality, leading to significant inconvenience and emotional distress.
The reader, identified as "On Schedule in California," described a recurring issue with a niece who lives about 50 miles away and attends university. While the niece occasionally visits to escape roommate issues, she frequently fails to adhere to agreed-upon arrival times, sometimes showing up days later than planned.
This tardiness disrupts the reader's own schedule, which often involves making special meal preparations or reservations for activities. These plans are frequently canceled when the niece's arrival is delayed, leaving the reader at home.
The problem extends to the niece's parents, the reader's siblings, who also exhibit similar scheduling issues. When they visit, they expect the reader to travel within a 100-mile radius and frequently change plans, further disrupting schedules. When the reader visits them, they are often kept waiting for hours after an agreed-upon arrival time.
Dear Abby responded by labeling the relatives' behavior as "boorish" and "disrespectful." The advice given was direct: the niece should be informed that if she cannot arrive on time, she should cancel her visit. The reader was also advised to communicate that she will no longer be available if the niece arrives significantly late.
Similar advice was extended to the niece's parents. Abby suggested setting a limit, such as waiting no more than 30 minutes for them, after which the reader should either proceed with their own plans or leave.
In a separate query, a reader identified as "Done With Non-Dad" sought advice regarding her 7-year-old daughter's father, who has allegedly been absent for years and avoids contact. The reader is frustrated by the father's behavior, noting that child support services have been unable to intervene due to his lack of response.
Dear Abby acknowledged the difficulty of forcing a parent into a relationship and suggested that the mother is justified in cutting off contact. However, Abby also recommended consulting a lawyer to explore legal avenues for child support, even in cases of parental absence.
The column also included a seasonal note reminding readers about Halloween and the end of daylight saving time, advising them to turn clocks back and check smoke detector batteries.