Columnist Dear Abby offered advice this week on two distinct reader dilemmas: one concerning a family heirloom and another involving ongoing financial support for in-laws.
In the first case, a reader identified as "Downsizing Baseball Fan" inquired about an obligation to return a signed baseball bat to a nephew. The bat was given as a gift approximately 15 years prior, with the understanding that it would be passed to the nephew's son when he was older. However, the reader and the nephew's family have been estranged for at least 10 years. Observing that the nephew's current family shows no apparent interest in baseball, the reader expressed a preference for giving the bat to a grandchild who actively plays the sport and would appreciate it.
Dear Abby responded that the family's choice to cut ties absolved the reader of any obligation to track down a grandnephew with whom there is no current relationship. The columnist also noted that the nephew's stipulation on the gift was "crass" and advised the reader to give the bat to their own grandchild.
The second letter, from a reader in Washington state, detailed a decade-long living arrangement with the reader's in-laws, during which the reader and their husband have repeatedly provided financial assistance to the in-laws. Despite the in-laws having received approximately $3.5 million from inheritances over 22 years and having recently maxed out a reverse mortgage, they have reportedly depleted these funds and reverted to old habits of not paying bills, neglecting household chores, and not attending to their health. The reader and their husband have exhausted their own savings, intended for a down payment on a home, in attempting to help.
The in-laws recently granted the reader and their husband power of attorney for both health and finances, intending for them to help organize their affairs. However, the in-laws have been resistant and play the victim when their situation is discussed. The situation has taken a significant toll on the reader's mental and physical health, and their teenage children have distanced themselves from their grandparents.
Dear Abby advised the reader to recognize that the in-laws' issues may be beyond the couple's capacity to manage and that enabling their behavior must stop. The columnist recommended enlisting the help of a licensed financial counselor, suggesting resources such as the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org). Furthermore, Abby suggested that the in-laws' "slide back into their old ways" might have a medical explanation, urging for immediate medical and neurological evaluations.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, the pen name for Jeanne Phillips, who has penned the column for nearly four decades. The column was originally founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.