Dear Abby columnist Jeanne Phillips, also known as Abigail Van Buren, recently addressed two distinct relationship dilemmas submitted by readers. One concerned a woman's unease over her boyfriend's large number of female followers on TikTok, and the other involved a reader's exasperation with her elderly mother's long-standing affair with a married man.
The first letter, from an individual identified as "Uncertain in South Carolina," described a relationship with a man she has known for 30 years. He had moved in and proposed marriage, but she expressed significant concerns about his social media activity. The boyfriend reportedly uses TikTok with a "sexually suggestive name," follows 500 women, and has an equal number of followers. The reader noted that she is not among his followers, which she found hurtful. She questioned whether this behavior constituted cheating or if it should be dismissed due to being on social media.
Dear Abby advised "Uncertain" to have a direct conversation with her boyfriend to understand his motivations for these online interactions. The columnist suggested that if the reader felt the need to check her boyfriend's phone or computer to discover this information, it indicated a pre-existing trust issue. Abby recommended asking the boyfriend what he seeks from these online relationships, stating that his answer would guide her decision on how to proceed.
Mother's Affair
The second letter came from a reader identified as "Over It," who is distressed by her 86-year-old widowed mother's ongoing involvement with a married man. The mother, despite having a busy life with work, choir, volunteering, and doting children, has been involved with this man on and off for over five years. The reader expressed fatigue with her mother's lies about the affair to family, her counselor, and friends, as well as her constant crying and inability to appreciate her current life.
Dear Abby suggested to "Over It" that the best approach might be to disengage from the topic of the affair. The advice was to change the subject when her mother brought it up or to leave the room if the discussion persisted. Abby advised the reader to tell her mother she refuses to witness her self-destructive behavior any longer and to instead encourage conversations about aspects of her life that are not self-destructive.