Dear Abby Addresses Relationship Boundaries With Partner's Adult Children

Dear Abby is offering guidance to a woman struggling with her partner's lack of boundaries with his adult children and grandchildren, which is impacting her sense of privacy and well-being in their shared home.

The reader, identified as "Invaded in Iowa," has been living with her partner for two years. According to her account, her partner maintained an open-door policy with his two married daughters and seven grandchildren before she entered his life, and they continue to have keys to his house. The daughters visit two to three times a week, often arriving unannounced after the reader returns from her full-time job.

In one instance, the reader arrived home to find her partner's youngest daughter and her three children present, with the house in disarray. Despite her exhaustion, they stayed for dinner and lingered. Feeling overwhelmed and as though her feelings were not considered, the reader contemplated moving out or ending the relationship.

Dear Abby responded that the reader is not wrong to feel this way. The columnist emphasized that the partner and his children have not adequately considered the needs of an additional person in the household. "Invaded in Iowa" should have received advance notice about visitors, especially after a long workday. Abby suggested that if the partner does not begin consulting her about visitors after they discuss the issue, she should consider getting her own place while potentially continuing the relationship with some distance.

In a separate query, "Theater Guy" expressed feelings of exclusion from a new theater company founded by a core group of friends he has known for nearly 20 years. These friends, who all have children, started the company without notifying or consulting him. He has a history of participating in and supporting their theatrical endeavors.

Dear Abby acknowledged that "Theater Guy" is not unreasonable for feeling left out. While the reason for his exclusion remains unclear, Abby speculated that the company's potential focus on youth might have led them to assume he wouldn't be interested. She advised him to offer his assistance with their current production and, if that offer is declined, to directly inquire about their decision.

Dear Abby is written by Jeanne Phillips, continuing the column founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips, in 1956.