In her latest advice column, Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, tackles two distinct reader dilemmas.
One letter comes from a "BURNED-OUT MOM IN COLORADO" who is struggling with her 19-year-old daughter's refusal to engage in any form of independent activity, including college, job applications, or therapy. The daughter, who has been diagnosed with bipolar 2, ADHD, anxiety, and depression, has a younger mental age and spends her time socializing and smoking marijuana. The mother expresses frustration and exhaustion from feeling held "hostage" by her daughter's behavior, questioning whether her daughter's mental health challenges make it unfair to consider asking her to leave.
Dear Abby advises the mother that her daughter's current path is unsustainable. Phillips suggests that the mother consider making her daughter's continued living situation contingent upon her participation in a residential therapy program that could foster independence. For further guidance, Phillips recommends contacting the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
The second dilemma is from a "GRIEVING DAUGHTER" who lost both parents within a month of each other. Both were cremated without services. The daughter requested a small portion of her parents' ashes to keep, an idea that was met with approval from her stepbrother but strong opposition from her brother and stepsister. The grieving daughter suspects her brother, who held power of attorney for their stepfather, is overstepping his authority.
Phillips offers condolences and reassures the grieving daughter that her request is not unusual, as families often divide cremated remains. She advises the daughter to assess the importance of this request and consider legal counsel if her brother continues to disregard her appeals as a grieving sibling.