Columnist Dear Abby, also known as Jeanne Phillips, recently addressed a long-standing marital issue for a Virginia man who has been married for 31 years. The husband, a self-described "basement musician" who plays guitar, sings, and writes songs, expressed his hurt that his wife has never asked him to play for her, despite his writing several songs about her and their shared love.
The husband noted that while his wife is not particularly musical and can go days without listening to any music, he feels a desire for her to acknowledge his musical efforts. He has pointed out this lack of requests to her, hoping she might show appreciation for his songwriting and performances, even if music is not her passion. He mentioned that when friends and family request his music, she expresses liking it, but the initiative never comes from her.
In her response, Dear Abby acknowledged the husband's feelings but advised him to accept his wife's disinterest in music. "Face it — the woman you married 31 years ago has never been a music lover, regardless of who the composer is," Phillips wrote. She encouraged him not to abandon his hobby, stating that writing songs is a form of self-expression that should continue if it is personally satisfying.
Dear Abby also addressed a separate query from a retired woman in Pennsylvania who felt overwhelmed by last-minute social invitations from inactive friends. The woman, who described herself as a "people-pleaser," found herself frustrated by friends who became annoyed when she declined, and who often tied her up with lengthy phone calls or texts. She had tried responding that she needed advance notice, but it had little effect.
Phillips advised the perplexed woman to continue using her existing polite approach: "I’d love to go, but I need more advance notice than you have given me." She also suggested that it is not impolite to decline phone calls at inopportune times or to take time responding to texts if they are perceived as excessive.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, a pseudonym for Jeanne Phillips, and was originally founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.